Guilt: More Insight On The Basis For Our Condemnation

Introduction: 

Welcome my friend, 

Our last conversation didn't really start off in our typical exchange of pleasantries so maybe it's something to feel guilty about. 

However, from what we discussed on guilt we can agree that the intentions behind our actions matter and the circumstances surrounding them too.

So that I can feel free knowing that it wasn't in any way a show of little interest in your welfare. 

What really happened was that we immediately got into a discussion and never really got out of it; such that we had to stop at some point to continue today. 

So to ensure it doesn't repeat, first things first; 

“How are you my friend? 

I trust that you're well finding confidence in the assurance that there's something good in every situation for us, if we react well to it” 

Now let's continue from where we stopped last week as we lay more emphasis on guilt, as it concerns recovering from it. 

Discussion: 

Having already understood what guilt means, the reasons for it and its impact on our relationships (see here: https://whereweareone.beehiiv.com/p/new-post-8bb3) we can now be able to show ourselves some grace in handling it better, so as to move forward from it.

Going in the direction of growth and positive change, rather than dwelling in self pity and regret.

To do this, we'll have to understand the different steps that it entails and how we'd walk them until we free ourselves from all that burden of inadequacy and shame that accompanies our guilt. 

■ A Way Back From Guilt

When our relationships are severed due to betrayal or disloyalty such that one person is left offended, it means that the offender will be left feeling guilty for returning a friend's love with less than it deserved. 

This leaves us with two parties of which one person is seeking forgiveness and the other is faced with the responsibility of granting it. 

Which means that moving on from our guilt will require that everyone involved takes up their responsibilities as a way of bringing healing and peace to their hearts. 

These responsibilities will involve: 

▪︎ Remorse

To be remorseful is a sudden acknowledgement of our misdeeds such that we feel regret, wishing to have acted better; if given another chance to do so. 

However, because these actions have already taken place we can only live with their consequences; yet we can tune our minds right so as to at least learn something from them.

Remorse also means that we're ready to stop at that point, to change, to let go of our guilt and to turn a new leaf. 

This is the basis for which every other step in this journey is established. 

▪︎ Confession

Through proper communication we're able to tell our own side of the story; not to be right or justify our actions but for clarity and closure. 

When we explain our situation vocally and in clear terms we give others the opportunity to walk in our shoes, so that although they're yet offended they may at least relate to our plight. 

When we come clean we show that we're already on the path to true change now willing to be transparent, open and honest. 

Also, when we apologize and accept our flaws it shows that we value the other person beyond our ego which pushes us to “play tough” regardless of being right or wrong. 

▪︎ Repentance

All genuine apology is accompanied by a deliberate attempt to change that behaviour. 

This is what shows that we're indeed sorry. 

If we continue to do the same thing over again just to come back with an apology, what we're saying is that;

“We don't care about the hurt we see them pass through”

After all, if we did, we'd act in ways that will show that we don't want them going through the same pain again. 

Until we change, we're just being selfish and our apology is simply to manipulate rather than to care. 

▪︎ Forgiveness 

The responsibility to let go of the hurt and pain another caused us can be so difficult especially when we know we would never have done the same to them. 

While the offender may feel sorry, it's the offended that largely bears the bulk of the consequences which is why it can be a struggle to accept those apologies. 

In this we're to understand that the fact that we now feel guilty doesn't mean we'll freely get the forgiveness we seek.

For the reasons that: the hurt may still be fresh, the impact of our actions will last a long time, they trusted us deeply and so on.  

When this happens, we just have to give it time, as we give them the space to process and heal from the pain we caused them. 

Also, self forgiveness is important.

When those we hurt, finally find the strength to forgive us, we should forgive ourselves too.

In this we let go of the past and its mistakes, appreciating today as a gift, to get it right. 

▪︎ Reconciliation 

Reconciliation isn't always about coming back together to repair a broken bond, it can also mean forgiving each other and reconciling with the fact that we're not good together. 

That way we can exist independently with no animosity whatsoever; just kind wishes. 

Here we've made peace with the fact that we're not what we each need respectively, but that we can support ourselves from a distance. 

▪︎ Restoration 

Some reconciliation will involve restoration as the friendship returns to what it once was or even comes out stronger.

Restoration is a reward for true repentance after we've shown that we've really changed from our old ways and wouldn't become opportunist betrayers even if the chance presents itself again. 

Restoration is a proof of wholesome forgiveness and the last stage of our journey back from guilt. 

■ Why We Should Lay These Burdens Aside

Guilt stagnates us because we feel unworthy to move on with our lives especially when our actions have somewhat destroyed the life of another. 

For instance, if in the event of an accident the car we're driving takes the life of another or condemns them to a wheelchair, we may wish the same for ourselves even if we survived. 

The reason being that we feel we deserved it more, as a way of taking responsibility for our actions. 

Yet this is unfair and unjust self guilt. 

As we learned, mistakes happen and many times our actions are influenced by factors beyond us. 

It doesn't mean we should continue to take the downward slope and condemn ourselves forever. 

When we continue to punish ourselves we miss out on the opportunities to redeem ourselves by becoming better, healing and sharing the light of our healing with others. 

As we set ourselves free from the burden of guilt our level of self love improves since we become aware of how much value we have outside of our flaws. 

This then inspires us into self development because we now have the awareness that we can be more, refusing to settle for less. 

Most importantly, reconciliation provides us with peace of mind as we feel light from shedding all that load. 

■ A Recurring Guilt 

As believers the ultimate source of all our guilt is sin. 

When we feel we've let God down we begin to run from him. 

Yet, there's nothing we can do for him to feel that way let alone condemn us. 

Unlike our earthly relationships, the love of God is so deep that he already forgave us beforehand. 

God understood our humanness and made provisions for our shortcomings so that by simply believing in him we're redeemed. 

Yet not everyone will accept him. 

Truth is, the privilege of feeling free from all our guilt because we genuinely understand that we're forgiven of all our sins is something that those who reject God abandon. 

When we establish an intimate relationship with God through prayer, every other of our relationships improve because we now understand that if he hasn't condemned us, then no one else can. 

This is a beautiful assurance that sets us free. 

Summary: 

Like all good things, this time here with you today has also come to an end.

Having you avail your time to get to this point is such an honour and I hope you’ve learned something that's made it worthwhile for you. 

See you next Friday dear friend.

Master Apprentice.

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