The Strength To Open Up

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

This is the last weekend of January, so it brings an end to our New Year Series - “The Strengths”.

To wrap it up we'd be exploring another form of strength we might be needing this year in order to align ourselves with our goals, finally experiencing the improved results we truly desire.

As well as the strength to try again, the strength for firsts, and the strength to let go, all of which we've discussed these past weekends, we might also be needing the strength to open up, which is why we'd be focusing on it today.

So that at the end of our time here together, we'd be better equipped to open up when the moment calls for it, having recognized some of the fears that hold us from doing so and what that has cost us.

Discussion:

To open up in the context of this conversation is to basically acknowledge our shortcomings, failures and limitations in our attempts to bring our visions and goals to reality; being willing to put ourselves out there to get the help that we need.

However, this is difficult for a number of reasons, with the core of such reasons being that it takes vulnerability to admit our struggles to others because doing so feels like weakness, a feeling that tampers with our sense of dignity.

So rather than speak up, we continue to sink in silence, too ashamed to ask for help even when it's within reach and can make all the difference.

Which makes it crucial for us to understand why we have these fears as the first step to equipping ourselves with everything necessary to create safe spaces where we can freely open up, getting the support that we need.

■ Examining Our Fears With Opening Up 

To remain mute, because our screaming heart lacks the right words to express ourselves, is a common feature when we've bottled up for so long.

For some of us that are privileged, we have sensitive people around us that can hear our silence and are also bold enough to ask us about them, even ready to listen.

Yet, we still find it difficult to open up to them regardless, unsure of how things might unfold from there.

This struggle even when we readily have helping hands puts in perspective how much more difficult it is to open up where those around us seem oblivious or unconcerned about our imminent implosion.

Truth is, regardless of which category we fall into, opening up is difficult for one or more of the following reasons.

▪︎ Our Own Perceptions

It can be difficult for us to open up to someone because of our own perceptions of them, even when they aren't thinking in that direction.

Firstly, we fear being judged, shamed or ridiculed, so we keep it all in, burdening our hearts with a load that can be shared.

Other times we're held back by the perception that we're bothering them.

Truth is, many of us don't open up because it feels like we're disturbing the other person, even when they've shown us with their past actions that they can willingly accommodate us.

Thirdly, another perception that holds us back is competitiveness.

Some of us have a distasteful sense of competitiveness that makes us secretly try to measure up to people we should be learning from or collaborating with to better our course.

Consequently, we feel opening up belittles us, even when it hardly alters their high perception of us.

▪︎ Past Experiences 

For some of us, these fears aren't mere perceptions because we've experienced them first hand, after opening up to the wrong person.

Here, rather than get solutions, we got shamed and judged, becoming the subject in conversations that were centered on failure and mockery.

This is a dark place to have been in and makes it even more difficult for us to open up going forward.

Yet, other times, we don't even have to experience it for it to stick with us.

When we've seen people up close, get shamed and isolated after opening up, we begin to dread having such an experience ourselves.

▪︎ Fear Of Indebtedness 

Some of us don't like opening up because we feel it makes us indebted to the other person for coming through for us, so we decline the help that we desperately need.

Yet, not everyone that offers us help does so with the expectation of something in return, and for some, we may never really have the capacity to pay back.

Truth is, there are people that offering help is nothing personal with, because they see it as a way of paying it forward, regardless of who's on the receiving end of it.

So rather than overthink it, we can make do with such help now, taking the opportunity to better position ourselves to be able to pay it forward to others that may be needing the same in the future.

■ Creating That Safe Space

Realistically it's not everyone we can open up to.

Which is why having someone or people we can do that with is a privilege.

However, regardless of blood ties or other such bonds, these kinds of relationships aren't natural or found, they're built intentionally brick by brick, putting in the work it takes.

Truth is, to expect listening ears from someone we've been cold to and have never shared any kind of intimacy with, can be a big ask.

So let's value our relationships far beyond what we may need from them.

Let's show peeps love, care, and support; earning each other's trust over time, because on the day we may need it the most, only what we've given will be available to us in return.

Ideally, when we become someone that others can talk to, they're more willing to listen to us, than when we only show up in our time of important need.

■ How We Should Open Up

If we're going to open up, we should do so sincerely, open mindedly and patiently.

Sincerely, so that we share our truth in a way that makes it easier for the person to know how to help us.

Open mindedly, so that we don't feel entitled to their help, since we understand that there are times when a person might be so consumed in their own struggles that all they can offer us is listening ears.

Then patiently, so that we can accept that some people are more difficult to open up to, lacking the emotional intelligence and people skills to express their concern and support in a gentle manner, even if it's from a place of genuine love.

■ Why We Should Open Up 

Sometimes the answer we seek is in the conversation we're avoiding.

When we open up, those loved ones that are genuinely oblivious of struggles become aware of them, offering the support that they can.

This may be all the help that makes the difference for us, giving us that extra push that gets a person over the line.

When this happens, our hearts are set free from resentment, the type that accumulates from the pain of feeling unseen and unheard by those around us.

This is liberating and satisfying.

■ The Ultimate Safe Space

As believers, when we invite Jesus Christ into our lives, He establishes a personal relationship with us, becoming that friend that we can readily open up to.

God's divine wisdom comforts us and counsels us, offering us the kind of fulfillment that no earthly friendship can offer.

Consequently, this improves the quality of our other friendships because we now reflect His light in them, making us better to relate with.

However, to be eligible for all these, He simply asks us to believe in Him.

This is the first step.

Summary:

We've now come to the end of our New Year Series.

Thanks for being a part of it.

Of course, we do hope that everything we've learned from it has set the tone for the year, giving us all the strength that we'd be needing to push through.

See you next week!

Master Apprentice.

www.x.com/truekingmaker