Self Worth: The Foundation Of Our Identity

Introduction:

Welcome my friend!

How are you today?

How many times do we ask this question as a mere formality to keep things cordial?

Yet how many more times do we just mutter ‘fine’?

Perhaps unwilling to share how we really feel, because there's no intimacy between us and the person asking, or because we don't even understand how we feel ourselves.

Then there's us, with me asking but never getting your response.

So I'll just say “I hope you're doing well my friend”.

Discussion:

Unless we've officially done a change of name where we adopt our preferred ones, the names we currently bear were those given to us by our parents or guardians.

This is the role of other people in giving us an identity.

Some of which we don’t like, and some others, of which describe us wrongly.

Truly, if children remained nameless until they got old enough to name themselves, some of us wouldn't give ourselves the same names as our parents have done.

However, because things don't work that way, we'd have to carry on with this identity they've given to us, bearing names we don't even like, for the rest of our lives.

Well, do we really have to?

■ The Basis Of Our Self Worth 

Most of us value ourselves only as much as our parents, teachers or other symbols of authority we looked up to growing up made us feel.

Some of us think less of ourselves because we grew in the midst of people who amplified our flaws and ignored our uniqueness.

So like individuals bearing names they barely like but have accepted, we live through life in the identity of unworthiness that has been given to us by these our guardians.

It's the same for those of us who got bullied by our peers for not being beautiful enough, smart enough or not having parents in the same social class as theirs.

Those were real circumstances that imprinted in us the self worth of shame, humiliation, and guilt such that we desperately wanted ways out even if they were unhealthy.

Another such influence on our self worth is our environment.

To be a child from the hood interacting with the violence and survival firsthand is not the ideal background to inspire one to dare dream of a life better than that.

So we live through life never really pushing ourselves to the limit because we genuinely lack the capacity to reason beyond our surroundings.

These are some of the ways we can pick up limiting identities of ourselves, forming our self worth on values less than our true potentials.

■ A Change Of Identity.

As a response to our feelings of being unworthy we begin to seek out those things that we feel would make us relevant and acceptable.

For us, breaking free would be about going on to have or become everything we were ridiculed for lacking in.

This may see us building our self worth around any one or more of the following;

▪︎ Money

Hunger and poverty are big threats to human dignity; causing men to sell their honour for a plate of chicken soup.

A man needs to be hard working and resourceful so that he can stand on his principles independently and without fear rather than sell his integrity to the highest bidder as a pathway to quick funds.

Many rich men are still hungry in attitude chasing after every penny with no sense of enough because they have built their confidence and worth around their bank balance.

This shouldn't be so.

When we value money above everything else, it loses its meaning, which is to pay our bills and meet our primary needs.

When we exalt it, we allow ourselves to be mistreated by rich folks because we feel less of ourselves and deserving of the mistreatment.

When we love it, we become slaves to it, finding it difficult to even share with others in need even when we have more than enough.

▪︎ Family Legacy 

It's not everyone that was born into the warmth of a nuclear family with a loving mom and responsible dad catering to their needs.

For some people, they can only wish.

Those of us who never got to know our parents may suffer from some form of identity crisis never really settled into our own skin because we feel we don't belong.

For us, there is always that void to go “home” even if our new home has welcomed us wholeheartedly and worse still when they're the type to constantly remind us.

In the same vein, most people from more prominent homes are also guilty of attaching their entire self worth to their family legacy.

Sometimes intentionally behaving poorly because they expect to be accommodated by virtue of their last name.

This is prideful and sometimes delusional as a name may open a door but might not guarantee a warm welcome.

▪︎ Appearance 

If we've been called ugly for too long we start to feel like it and if we've been called pretty by so many it may get into our heads.

Yet we're more than mere looks alone.

Some people wear affordable things with class yet some others struggle to cover up their insecurities with the latest designers.

True beauty lies within.

It's the size of our hearts, how welcoming it is, and our ability to treat others as ourselves.

▪︎ Success 

If our success is driven by our need to “prove doubters wrong” then at what point would we stop having these doubters?

When all we live for is climbing up the corporate ladder or breaking another sales record, we may become slaves to the praises and validation of our colleagues and the management.

This can see us begin to develop an obsessive desire for perfection, never giving ourselves grace to fail, make mistakes and learn from them.

When we're driven by success, we start scheduling our lives according to the society's standards and timing which can lead to desperation.

■ Our True Identity

The truth is that as believers and children of God, our self worth is positional and outside of ourselves.

What this means is that even before we became successful or while we're yet hungry and mocked for looking sick, or acting weird, God never stopped identifying as our father.

This is our true identity and everlasting heritage.

None of us is here by mistake regardless of the circumstances surrounding our birth as we've been called by God our heavenly father for a purpose here on earth before he rewards us with eternity.

On the part of this purpose we're emboldened by self confidence and driven by conviction because we know he's on our side and wants us to succeed as part of his grand plan for our lives and those it'll bless.

Whether we're currently dealing with a situation where we've lost friends after losing our money or have now been sidelined by associates because we no longer have business deals to broker together, it doesn't mean that it's the end of the road.

Whether you're reading this from jail where you've lost time already, who says that God can't let you live longer to make up for it or make the rest of your life twice as impactful.

When all our efforts to find our worth in everything else outside of God have failed, we're being reminded of who we truly are and what is waiting back at home for us if we can return there.

Summary:

Man's superpower is his ability to go on to create the life he desires with the quality of his actions and decisions over time.

The best of such decisions being to go back to his origin to seek the help that he needs to navigate through a tough world.

You may not be so proud of yourself today my friend but where you are does not define you unless you're writing the last chapter of your story.

Then that is even a good reason to make it a happy ending.

Master Apprentice.

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