The Lone Wolf

Introduction:

Welcome my friend! 

How are you really?

I know we've learned to treat this question as a formality so then goes the casual “I'm fine” thrown out there to keep it moving. 

This one is different though, and is a genuine question about your well being, from a place of care and concern. 

So take your time to answer, then breathe it all out in one huge sigh. 

No stress, no worries, no fears, just peace and calm as you open your heart to today's words. 

Last week, we had a very good discussion where we paused in introspection to reassess our relationships, the disappointments we've faced in them, and what reconciling from them would mean for us. 

Today, we'll be looking at the lone wolf, why it moves alone and how it's impacted by this “one man squad” mentality. 

Discussion: 

To talk about the lone wolf, we both have to agree on who this is. 

The lone wolf, for the purpose of our conversation, is everyone of us that pride ourselves on our ability to move solo at all times, having little emotional attachments to others and dependently navigating our way through life.

This isn't the same as rejecting the herd mentality or being disciplined enough to have certain principles that guide our conduct and interactions.

This is more about holding back from interacting with others, as a way of protecting ourselves from disappointments. 

■ The Origin Of The Lone Wolf 

In the last discussion we learned that the basis of all our disappointments is our expectations.

As we find ourselves on the receiving end of being let down time again, we come to the conclusion that since everyone eventually disappoints, we're better off alone. 

So we intentionally build up emotional walls to guard ourselves from the harms of “infiltrating it with love”. 

This is how the lone wolf is born. 

As humans we have the need to be loved, accepted and appreciated and as we find ourselves in situations where we feel these are absent, we begin to train our mind to adapt to surviving alone. 

Once we succeed in this, we start feeling overly independent, even to the extent that it becomes unhealthy; never really opening ourselves to establishing meaningful relationships.

■  The Movement Of The Lone Wolf

The strength of having to do things on our own without influence from external forces is commendable especially when it's a strong conviction on the path of our purpose.

Here, even against logic and common sense we're able to keep moving in the direction of God's will for us. 

This is separation and sanctification, discipline and excellence; and shouldn't be confused with the lone wolf's movement. 

For the lone wolf, moving away from others is a response to the fear of association, due to past hurt and betrayal. 

It's the masking of an emptiness or pain with different shades of attitudes and behaviours.

For some with work; as we see with folks who overwork themselves just to stay busy and have less time to feel.

For others, it's by adapting a nonchalant attitude towards matters of love and camaraderie, or the establishment of intimate bonds even when there's a desire for it deep within. 

Yet there's still some of us that approach relationships with the mindset of fault finding, so that we immediately seek out red flags to cut people off on the slightest provocation.

Truly, like all masks, appearing tough on the outside only alters others’ perception of us, as they're impressed with our false show of strength, yet we continue to feel this void inside. 

For instance, we may hide our loneliness with those constant career awards and milestones but it doesn't really replace our longing to go back home to the warmth of a loved one that listens to our challenges of the day. 

Many times, the lone wolf, moves in self deceit, totally unaware of how much more it can do with the support of others rather than moving alone.

■ Impacts Of Moving Alone 

When we always keep to ourselves, it affects us and those around us in the following ways:

▪︎ We Rob Ourselves of Genuine Love 

As we push everyone away because we don't want to let in fake or temporary people, we also miss out on true friendships.

When our aloneness is still triggered by hurt, we lack the discernment to assess our relationships rightly, so we judge others harshly.

In this we unconsciously condemn them for things we suffered in our previous relationships and for pain caused by others, long before they came into our lives. 

▪︎ We Rob Ourselves Of The Benefits Of This Genuine Love 

The pressures of life can get so much that we need someone to lean on for support and care, which are some of the privileges of having true love in our corner.

When we push everyone away we deny ourselves of the blessing of having in our corner, folks that have our backs through thick and thin. 

We also deny ourselves of wise counsel as we miss out on things we could have learned by associating with them. 

▪︎ We Rob Others Of Our Role In Their Lives

The purpose of each life is to use our gifts and talents to serve others and we make this difficult when we create that distance between us and them. 

As we stay away from associations, we deny others of the roles our positive impact and influence could have played in improving their lives. 

A reckless irresponsibility towards our God given tasks. 

■ Breaking The Lone Wolf Pattern 

Until we set ourselves free from the burden of anger, resentment and unforgiveness from old relationships we'll always act in ways that sabotage new ones. 

Also, as we begin to feel genuine love for those around us, we'll express this love by how we care about them. 

Here, we find ourselves intentionally being present in their lives, looking out for them and their welfare. 

By playing this role we begin to open our hearts to them, even as they do so to us, and this breaks this lone wolf pattern gradually over time. 

Summary: 

The lone wolf is an attribute of survival but we've been called as believers to thrive. 

As we heal from our pain we have a responsibility to be for others the person we needed most in our own dark days.

So rather than moving alone we're called to connect with our tribe as we cheer, encourage and inspire one another to be better individuals for ourselves and the world around us. 

Master Apprentice.

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