The One To Count On: Looking Deeper Into True Friendships

Introduction:

Welcome Buddy,

Today's discussion is the third of this series on true friendships and one I hope will be enough to round it up as we make more sense of all we've learned since the first one by relating them to each of what we'll be talking through in the subsequent lines.

If we had an unhealthy relationship we would have jumped right into the conversation but because we don't, it's only proper that I inquire of your well being as a way of expressing my love, care and attentiveness towards you and everything that concerns you "How are you my friend?"

Whatever you've answered, it's good that you're here to receive all the smiles that I've sent your way, with the little request that you at least send one back.

Ok, thanks for smiling...

If you indeed laughed afterwards, then you're cute like that!

Before we move into the business of the day, I've taken the time to provide you with the links to the previous conversations so you can refresh on them for better understanding of this. In doing this, my intention isn't in any way to call you "my forgetful friend" that needs a refresher, but here they are regardless;

Link 1: http://whereweareone.beehiiv.com/p/new-post-e31c

Link 2: http://whereweareone.beehiiv.com/p/new-post-fb54

Discussion:

Last week we talked about some factors that hold us back from having true friendships even when it's been availed to us.

Truly, the experiences we've had from dysfuntional upbringing, low self esteem, past betrayals and all the other reasons we touched, have left us damaged and broken and it's not until we have them repaired, would we be able to find true friendships.

The reason for this is that all true friendships are motivated out of genuine love which is merely an extension of our own self love.

For instance, envy arises where one person wants to have or desires to be what or who the other person is.

From this dissatisfaction with one's own self, all other seeds of unhealthy and self sabotaging behaviours against the establishment of true relationships can be sown.

This leaves us asking;

"How does one repair from these damages to find self love?"

■ Mending From Within

The process involved in letting go of all the hurt, pain, and self limiting beliefs that make us feel lost, undeserving or overwhelmed by true friendships is called healing, which is in itself a continuous journey of deep inner work.

During this process we'll be challenged to do the following;

▪︎ Unlearn

Here, we become aware of our own toxic habits and behaviour built overtime as a response to cope with the absence of love growing up.

We also see how we've let fear and doubt hold us back from opening up to people even when they were honest and had pure intentions.

At this point we intentionally begin to reevaluate the impact of these behaviours on our bonds, as we slowly and gradually shed them off.

▪︎ Relearn

Before our trust was broken, such that we stopped letting people into our lives and personal space, we used to be trusting of others and innocent.

Once someone betrayed us badly, we resolved to never be naive.

So we locked everyone out with the assurance that "what they don't know, they can't ruin"

Also, before rejections and shaming took a hit on our self esteem, we used to appreciate ourselves just the way we were.

Until, we were called out for being too short or too loud or "not one something enough"

Here, we begin to reconnect with parts of us that we've lost, and in the process we find our true identity and the courage to live authentically which is how we attract like minds.

▪︎ Learn

True friendships are selfless so until we become servant members of our relationships we'll not experience the deep sense of joy that comes from knowing that we're the reason those smiles are on someone else's face.

It's beginning to understand the difference between healthy love and attachment and how unhealthy expectations of excessive attention are unrealistic.

It's accepting the responsibility that no one else will give us any love we didn't give ourselves or love us more than we can love ourselves.

Also, the best part of this learning is the gradual self development that happens as we deliberately and committed grow spiritually, in skillset, and in appearance.

A radiant glow up that happens when we go on to become better than everything we were rejected and mocked for, as we replace shame with pride.

■ Notable Elements of Healing

The effects of all of our unlearning, relearning and continous learning will be evident in our new reality as we set ourselves on the path to attracting the true friendships that we deserve.

This is made possible because we'd exihibit the following characteristics;

▪︎ Emotional Intelligence

On our healing journey we begin to show maturity in our understanding of what true friendships are about even as we're more realistic in our expectations.

It's knowing when to pull out of an argument for peace sake because being right at that moment can be damaging to the long term health of the relationship; and talking it through when the tension is off.

▪︎ Authenticity

It's only in being ourselves that we attract like minds and people who appreciate us just the way we are.

False friendships that were established on pretense, dishonesty and camouflage just to earn favour, validation and acceptance of others, eventually fizzle out overtime as everyone gets tired of putting up appearances.

In being authentic we attract solid friendships built on the basis of behaviours that our consistent with our character.

▪︎ Discernment

Once we're able to tell fake from real we can set and stick to our boundaries firmly without feeling bad about it because we now understand the importance of protecting our energy from drainers and manipulators.

In this we don't just let everyone into our lives without vetting them and then cry betrayal later or push people away to "protect ourselves"

Here, we can tell genuine love from fake right from the onset because our healing has trained our mind to do so.

▪︎ Trust

As we discern rightly and let in good folks into our corner, we feel safe around them knowing that all their actions towards us are born out of genuine intentions.

▪︎ Vulnerability

Once we feel safe we're able to show all sides of ourselves knowing that even our weaknesses will not be mocked or judged by our friends even as we do so for them.

▪︎ Empathy

We meet the vulnerability of our friends with understanding, love and concern because we now see the reason(s) they act the way they do.

Here, we show support out of compassion.

▪︎ Peace

As soon as we set ourselves free from the burden of trying to be friends with everyone by meeting their expectations of us, our lives become peaceful.

Healthy relationships are peaceful because each party is emotionally mature.

■ The Source of True Friendships

Having now established the significance of our healing to building true relationships, we can accept our healer as the source of them, God.

When we come to him with our broken pieces he immediately accepts us the way we are; extending his hand of friendship.

In feeling this touch, there's an awakening in us, a self awareness that "we're more than we've become"

It's this awareness that sets us on the path of our healing journey as we enjoy an intimate relationship with him through prayer.

Steadily, gradually and overtime he continues to refine us, leading us by the hands as a good friend would, through all the processes of unlearning, relearning and continuously learning until all aforementioned elements of healing are evident in our lives.

Having now made us whole again, we're better poised to demand and give the healthy love that we deserve rather than settling for less.

Summary:

In order to make room for new friendships, it's important we clean our hearts by forgiving those that let us down in the past.

We don't necessarily have to give them the same access and proximity as we used to, as the priority is dropping the baggage of vengeance to walk freely into the path of genuine love.

Master Apprentice.

Twitter.com/truekingmaker