Fighting Old Friends

Introduction:

Welcome my friend!

I'm glad that today gives us the opportunity to stand by each other on a day we're going to be facing old pals as we discuss "Fighting Old Friends" on today's edition of this Friday weekly newsletter.

Truly, unlike these other friends I hope that we never get to the point where we go against each other. For us, the desire is for this bond we share to continue to strengthen overtime as we spend these moments together and grow in understanding.

You see, we never really think that we're going to be separated from the ones we love but sometimes it does happen that they're no longer good for us and it's at this point that we have to let go even when we still love them.

This is usually not an easy decision too, especially because we're going to miss them and some of the good memories we have with them.

It's for this reason that we'd be discussing some of our friends that were there for us in our trauma and survival times and how we can push back from them when they confront us as we heal.

Discussion:

The friends we're referring to in this conversation aren't actually human beings but character traits that are familiar with us as we lived through hurt, pain, suffering, hunger, self doubt and every other harsh condition that threaten our survival and peace of mind.

It's the distractions and pleasures we turn to as we seek happiness, it's the silly stunts we pull for external validation or even lifestyles we've adapted just to afford our next meal.

Whatever it is for us, healing means that we begin to intentionally shed these habits because we now know better, how harmful they can be for us.

Yet do they still show up?

■ Identifying Familiar Faces

As these habits pop up in the course of our healing journey, they remind us of where we're coming from.

We face them like battles because they test our resolve, as we assess ourselves on how much progress we've actually made on our path of self improvement.

Some of these old friends are:

▪︎ Pride

This is our old friend that always wants us to "prove a point"

It's the part of us that wants to fight back because "You don't move like that with me"

Contrary to the humility that comes with healing, which allows us to stay patient in anger, to be empathetic, to be understanding, this is part of us that "doesn't want to be taken for a fool"

It's the part that wants to "show them what I can do"

As we heal, we have to pay attention to how and when this shows up in our lives to be able to ignore worthless battles.

To resist the urge to waste our time and resources on vengeance, when we can strive to rise above our interactions with such energy.

▪︎ Lust

As we heal we become picky with whom we interact with, let alone who we want to share intimacy with.

This means that many times we show restraint in our urge simply to "protect our energy"

However, there are still times when this discipline is confronted with a series of situations where we may want to give it all up for some pleasure.

▪︎ Greed

Contentment is an element of our healing journey because we develop a better understanding of what really matters and what isn't.

Here, there's a good awareness of needs and wants, basics and luxury, such that we're able to show prudence in how we live.

Then, there comes that one offer that tests our honesty, our integrity and our willingness to choose our values over money.

It's being faced with the choice to sell truth and justice to the highest bidder or to hide some of it in order to protect a loved one in trouble.

▪︎ Selfishness

When we derive satisfaction from putting others first, we're able to serve them happily giving more of ourselves.

Yet this trait won't always show up in our behaviour.

There'll be moments when we're so fed up from "giving so much and receiving so little" and would rather "give everyone what they deserve"

Here, this old friend reminds us how "these people we're doing all these for wouldn't do same for us"

But it's not really all about that; which brings to mind something that I've read somewhere "what we sow always comes back to us even if it's not from where we've sown it"

▪︎ Addiction 

This one friend is usually the last to go away because it involves a lot of unlearning having developed some kind of dependence on it.

We could be addicted to different things: porn, drugs, gambling and other stuff which means that they'll always show up in our journey to drag us back into where we've walked out of.

It's feeling nostalgic from not experiencing the pleasures we derive from these activities.

■ Facing The Battle Right

Most of our fighting back will involve the acceptance that it's normal to miss these friends or even see them creep into our lives from time to time.

This doesn't mean we should go on a long period of self criticism, shame or guilt because "we've already ruined our healing"

No!

The process of transformation is not overnight and the mere awareness that these habits are not good for us and the willingness to no longer indulge them are baby steps in the right direction.

Fighting back is gradually and intentionally trying to replace these old friends with new ones as we learn new good habits.

Here, we're to show ourselves grace, patience and forgiveness knowing that inner work takes time and actually never ends as long as we're alive and willing to improve.

It's remaining in contact with God in prayers rather than walking away from him because we're ashamed.

It's accepting that there's no perfection but that our purification will only get better.

This is how we face the battle without so much pressure on our shadows.

Summary:

Self improvement isn't a linear journey and very often we may see ourselves slacking.

This doesn't mean that we've not made progress.

The very reason that we consider these habits as "old friends" is a reminder of how far we've come on our journey and an encouragement to keep going having seen the rewarding peace of mind that comes with it.

Master Apprentice.

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