Reconciliation: Moving On From Disappointments

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

I hope you've had good days in between the time of our last conversation and now, as we get on with another one. 

Yet even if you haven't, it's nothing to feel too sad about as such moods keep us in self pity and rob us of the opportunity to shake off and bounce back. 

You see, pain, trials, failures and hardships are all part of life as a result of the nature of the world we live in; so rather than feel unfortunate or cower in the face of them, we can confront them with confidence and strength, knowing that just like times and seasons “this too shall pass”. 

In today's edition of this Friday weekly newsletter, we'll look to understand how disappointments impact our relationships; and how we can move on from them to develop stronger bonds. 

Discussion:

Quite simply we can define disappointment to mean; the unpleasant feeling of hurt that comes from not realizing an expectation. 

We experience this in all aspects of our daily living and in varying degrees according to the significance of that expectation. 

For instance, in business, the extent to which we'd feel disappointed if the arrival of our goods is delayed will vary from when the government makes a certain policy that crashes our sales. 

It's the same in our relationships. 

When a father misses his son's college football game it may not be as impactful as when he's not by him through a surgery. 

However, it's also noteworthy how such “little disappointments” can overtime create big gaps in relationships that eventually make people fall apart.

Most times being responsible enough to get it right is better than looking for desperate ways to “make it up” everytime we don't meet up. 

■ The Basis Of Our Disappointments 

All disappointments come as a result of expectations. 

One way or the other, consciously or subconsciously, we have certain things we expect of the people in our lives even if we downplay them.

As children expect their school fees from their parents, these parents expect them to pass their exams. As an employer makes payment to his staff, he expects them to work efficiently. 

Even in simple interactions we've seen chaotic situations arise because an individual will no longer permit being treated with condescendment.

Whatever it is, all our disappointments can be traced back to an unmet expectation but before we give up on the relationship we're advised to consider the following: 

▪︎ If Our Expectation Aligns With Their Character 

Many of us know that one friend that'll always show up late to any event no matter how hard they try; and to want them to change from that overnight can be a big ask. 

In dealing with the people we love, we have to make room for inconveniences knowing that they're worth that much to us.

▪︎ If Our Expectation Is Within Their Means 

It's unfair to want people to give us something they don't have. 

Some of us get disappointed because we feel entitled to people's time, effort and resources even when these resources are limited. 

If we can excuse ourselves for coming out short on our own needs, we can appreciate those who assist us in ways they can, rather than thinking they've not done enough. 

▪︎ If Our Expectation Is Being Driven By Others or Ourselves

I once had a conversation with a woman that wanted to leave her marriage and by the end of it she had changed her mind. 

According to her, her husband was a good father to their kids and everything she was mad at him for, didn't used to be an issue until other people started pointing them out.

It's always wise to understand the dynamics of our own relationship before we judge or try to influence it with those of others. 

▪︎ If We Communicated Our Expectations Clearly 

Sometimes we may get disappointed because a person didn't meet an expectation we “assumed” they should know. 

This isn't right. 

As adults we have the responsibility to communicate clearly and vocally so that those we're relating with can know exactly how we feel. 

▪︎ Their Track Record 

When those that we've come to count on overtime fail us, it can be really hurtful. 

However, we're reminded that no one is completely reliable and people can come short because they're dealing with their own issues at the time. 

When someone that is normally cheerful and hospitable reacts angrily it may just be out of a current frustration. 

What we should do is to be empathetic towards them, showing concern and care rather than making the situation about us. 

When we see ourselves as the main character, we forget that expectation goes both ways. 

▪︎ The Impact Of The Disappointment 

Betrayal, physical and emotional abuse, toxicity and harm are situations that demand us to step back, as we reevaluate our options. 

These kinds of disappointments are to be taken more seriously than merely forgetting an anniversary date and must be addressed with the importance they demand. 

■ Reconciling After Disappointments 

After careful introspection, we can yet conclude that our disappointment is justified as in the case of betrayal and abuse. 

In such cases, reconciliation will mean coming to terms with the fact that being together is no longer healthy for us, as we use separation as a way of moving on and healing.

In this we forgive them for whatever pain they caused us, as we set ourselves free from the burden of anger, bitterness, resentment and revenge. 

When a relationship reaches certain breaking points reconciliation will no longer require us to force peace and cohabitation but to wish them well from a distance. 

However, this should only be a last resort and reserved for extreme cases and for situations where remaining in the relationship stands against our purpose. 

■ The Most Important Reconciliation 

Some of us due to pain and suffering caused by events like: death of loved ones, accidents, terrible illnesses, wrong accusations and many such difficult circumstances have felt disappointed by God; so we just walk away from him to do our own thing. 

To us, there's no need to continue trusting him when he's done nothing to protect or save us from these predicaments; yet this is so untrue.  

The love God has for everyone of us is constant and he'll always relate with us on the basis of that love; like a good father would with his child. 

Once we understand and feel this love, we can face difficult situations with confidence knowing that there's a purpose for it. 

God never puts upon us more than we can bear and he'll come through for us in due time; turning every disappointment into a glorious opportunity to teach us lessons on faith and obedience we wouldn't learn any other way.

Summary: 

If we walk away every time someone lets us down, we're going to end up lonely with no friends. 

All relationships take intentional efforts to succeed and we have to be willing to do this through communication, understanding, forgiveness and patience. 

As much as we want others to see reasons with us when we disappoint them, we must learn to extend the same grace. 

Master Apprentice.