NO - A Call To Action

Introduction:

Welcome Buddy!

More than having these conversations, the opportunity to check up on each other every Friday is another aspect of this weekly newsletter that I look forward to.

How's it going with you?

What have you been up to?

Well, the odds are there that you're living your best life especially because you've shown up here, which you wouldn't have done if you were down with sickness or attending to some emergency.

This is the gratitude check, to acknowledge and appreciate the 'simple' things that we take for granted.

Another thing we take lightly is a "Yes!" many times because we feel we deserve it, which is why getting that "No!" is usually more significant for the reactions it sparks.

It's some of these responses that we'd be going through in the subsequent lines.

Discussion:

For those of us who are into marketing we've come to expect a negative response everytime we approach a prospect.

This isn't because we don't believe in our product or service but a coping mechanism we've adapted in order to avoid the pain of disappointment when expectations fall short.

This tough skin towards handling these situations doesn't come with our employment letters but is developed in the job after approaching so many and closing only a few sales.

Here, what has happened is that talking to lots of people has taught us to manage our expectations, knowing that people don't buy for different reasons, many of which aren't personal.

For instance factors like; affordability: where a person can't pay for our value; priority: a situation where our offer isn't up there in their list of needs, and compatibility: where core values don't align; are some of the reasons why a business deal may fall through.

However, when this happens in human relationships we usually don't extend the same grace to ourselves, as we automatically see a "No" as an outright rejection and an indication that we're not good enough.

Yet this isn't always the case.

■ What a "No" Does Not Mean

The human need for love and acceptance means that there's this feeling of inadequacy that overtakes us every time someone declines our hand of friendship, love, care and companionship.

The feeling of rejection where we immediately take things personally based on the assumption that they've turned us down simply because we're not beautiful, smart or in some other ways worthy enough for them.

Yet just like in sales where the quality of the product or service isn't only the determinant factor, there are other reasons our camaraderie may be rebuffed; including:

▪︎ Who We Approach

If we ask a person for something that they don't have, it's impossible for them to give it.

A feeling of attraction that's not backed with the willingness and desire to commit to each other will eventually die off.

▪︎ Time of Approach

If we meet a person in a period when they're still dealing with their own issues, they're likely to push back.

A person still in survival mode does not have the capacity to love genuinely and would always make decisions as it concerns their staying alive. While they might desire love, they're skeptical of it and would rather stay alone.

Here, we've met a version of them that's not yet ready to give or receive love the way we want it.

Overtime, if this same person heals, they evolve into a better version of themselves with purer love to give.

▪︎ Manner of Approach

If we feel like someone else is doing us a favour by being with us, we'd subconsciously show this fear in our interactions with them.

In this kind of dynamic, we show ourselves willing to take less than we deserve, condoning disrespect and mistreatment throughout the time we're used and then dumped.

This poor perception of self is how we set ourselves up for a "No" where better confidence gives us a better outcome.

▪︎ Boundaries

It's important to understand the rules of interactions of a person outside of which they're no longer interested in engaging.

Just as we should protect ourselves from situations we're not comfortable in, others also reserve the right to choose the limit to which they're comfortable to have us in their space.

We have to accept this with no hard feelings.

■ What a "No" Is

While the feeling of not having our way can be unpleasant, there are other good sides to it that can be acknowledged and appreciated.

Rather than feeling bad and rejected we can see a "No" as:

▪︎ A Definite Feedback

Just like when we're accepted, being turned down is also an answer that allows us to know where we stand and saves our time.

There's a huge difference between being patient and wasting our time and many times trying to buy love with money isn't sustainable.

In accepting the situation, we're able to create room for others to come in, those that completely align with us.

▪︎ A Call For Reflection

Once we've received this feedback we should access it on the basis of introspection rather than self criticism.

It's looking inward and looking for ways to improve ourselves rather than outrightly condemn who we are or feel small.

▪︎ A Call For Acknowledgement

After honest self reflection we have to acknowledge what we could have done better.

It's identifying and accepting how certain patterns we've established affect our behaviour; this is the first step to seeking self improvement.

▪︎ A Call For Self Improvement 

Acknowledging what needs to change is humility, working intentionally to effect that change is wisdom.

When we remain the same, holding on to habits we've seen that can sabotage our relationships, we say "No" to ourselves which is in itself an act of poor self love.

▪︎ A Call For Redirection

If the people in our lives don't find enough value in what we bring to the table, maybe it's just a sign to go set a different one.

Rather than forcing things it can be best to accept a situation for what it is; to take another route instead.

Summary:

Even if others reject us, we don't have to reject ourselves; and how we respond to their rejection is how we show it.

We should see ourselves as not being for everyone even as we find the humility to allow others to do the same. Which means, nothing personal, just matter of preference.

A "No" shouldn't spark a response of self pity and self neglect but should inspire us into a self awareness that "Self love is the best 'Yes' we can say to ourselves"

Master Apprentice.

www.twitter.com/truekingmaker