Miscommunication: The Receiver's Point of View

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

It’s important that we start our conversation today by recognizing that communication is essentially how we convey a message from one person to another.

Which means that it goes far beyond words alone, but includes expressions, tone, and actions; the many ways we signal exactly how we feel.

We see this in everyday life when we can instantly tell if someone is happy, sad, or angry just by looking at them, often before they even say a word to confirm it.

However, this also means that while we may intend one thing with what we've said, the person listening may interpret something entirely different based on how we've said it.

In which case there's a miscommunication, since the receiver has taken away an entirely different message; and it's difficult to have the right response to a wrong message.

Discussion:

I once came across a story involving a man and his friend.

They were both listening to someone speak on the radio when the man commented that the speaker sounded like a fool.

Right away, his friend got angry and tried to shut him up.

Which made the man puzzled at first.

Why was his friend reacting so strongly to a casual remark about a complete stranger hundreds of miles away whom neither of them knew?

Well, the reason soon became clear when his friend continued, “I agree with what he’s saying. Does that make me a fool too?”

He then went on, “You’re always condemning things that I relate to and identify with, so what exactly makes me different that we’re even friends?”

This was the moment the man realized he had been sending the wrong message, he would never have known were it not for that outburst.

He genuinely loved, respected, and valued his friend, which is why he had failed to see how his harsh words came across as a direct personal attack.

This right here is what miscommunication often feels like from the receiver’s point of view, and it can lead to truly devastating consequences when left unchecked.

■ Why These Miscommunications Happen

When someone is close to us, we hold them in high esteem.

As a result, their words, actions, and the way they treat us carry much greater weight.

This is exactly why the man’s friend felt deeply hurt and truly foolish upon hearing that remark.

If it had come from a stranger whose opinion he didn’t value, he most likely wouldn’t have taken it personally or inserted himself into the comment at all.

The truth is, closeness increases sensitivity.

The people closest to us are usually the most affected by the things we say or how we act.

This places on us a significant responsibility to respond rightly.

Once we understand how deeply our words can impact someone, we should avoid using them carelessly.

Instead, we should speak with intention, using our words to build them up.

When we say or do things that make them feel smaller or less valued, we unintentionally send the message that we don’t care about them or respect them as much.

Which can open the door for things to go downhill from there.

■ The Impact Of This Miscommunication 

When a person feels unheard, they often go silent.

When a person feels they matter little, they begin to shrink, expressing themselves in very limiting ways.

Many times, we urge people to speak up when they’re going through difficult times or need help.

Yet, without realizing it, in times prior, we may have responded to them in ways that actually discourage them from opening up.

The truth is, people don’t suddenly become expressive when they’re in serious trouble.

They begin long before, with small, everyday things, the mundane stuff that simply needs a listening ear.

So if we can't learn to be there for them with these simple things, how do they trust us with the deeper stuff?

If they don’t feel comfortable sharing their jokes and lighthearted moments with us, is it their weaknesses or vulnerabilities that they will?

The thing is, no matter how much a person means to us, how nonjudgmental we believe we are, or how willing we are to go the extra mile for them, if we fail to communicate these feelings in a way they can understand and feel safe with, they’ll never truly know it.

This is why we must clearly express how we feel about them, both in words and through our actions, constantly reassuring them.

This principle applies to both romantic and platonic relationships, and very significantly in the important bond between parents and their children.

They should train their children in a way that communicates to them that they're a reliable safe space for them.

Otherwise, they may one day deeply regret not doing so, as these children let one little mistake spiral into many more, in their desperate attempt to cover up something they would have easily resolved together had they spoken up.

■ How We Can Communicate Better 

From the friend’s outburst, it was clear that this wasn’t the first time the man had made him feel that way.

Indeed, some of us unintentionally make others self-conscious around us by constantly criticizing everything.

Other times, it’s not even our criticism, it’s what we admire.

We constantly rave about qualities or attributes that highlight the very things that they feel insecure about.

As a result, they begin walking on eggshells around us, afraid that we might criticize them next or ashamed that they don’t quite measure up enough to be fully accepted.

Yet, the whole time we're insensitive to these feelings, and unaware of what they're having to deal with, because we didn't even mean it that way.

The truth is, we must learn to show tolerance, patience, and respect to everyone; not just the people close to us.

Otherwise, it comes off as hollow and pretentious.

When we indirectly talk down on where a person comes from, their beliefs, gender, or lifestyle, it feels deeply personal because it attacks their identity.

So while we might think it’s not that deep, to them it may well be everything that matters.

■ Spiritual Miscommunication - When It's Other People That Tell Us About God

As believers, our relationship with God should be deeply personal and direct.

That way, when we receive godly counsel, it simply confirms what He has already spoken to us.

When we know God for ourselves, He gives us the discernment to recognize His still small voice, that gentle voice of calm that speaks peace to our hearts.

This is where we truly find Him.

However, when we depend solely on others to tell us about Him, we eventually become confused, unable to distinguish His voice from the many conflicting opinions around us.

The truth is, God is ever present; even when it seems we cannot hear Him, He is still there, watching over us, listening, and caring for us.

The awareness of this truth should keep us grounded, no matter how we feel.

So that we don't misinterpret His discipline as rejection or separation, turning our backs on Him.

When in reality, He is only trying to refine us, shaping us into better people for the future.

Summary:

Many of us believe we are only responsible for what we say, and not for what the other person understands.

Yet the reality is that if they can't understand us, they will respond to us wrongly, and we can’t simply brush it off by saying it doesn’t matter.

After all, people's real emotions are involved.

So let's always be clear about how we feel, sending the right message in no uncertain terms; as our words, expressions, and actions are wholly aligned and consistent.

Master Apprentice.

www.x.com/truekingmaker