Jealousy: Why It Should Have Been Me

Introduction: 

Welcome my friend! 

How have you been this past week, since our last conversation?

You see, you do cross my mind a lot and each time kind words have followed, so that I hope you're well, as each of my good wishes for you manifests in your life.

Yet if you think you're not due to current situations of lack, confusion, hurt or pain then you may need to rethink, as many times it's all a part of the process. 

Let's see it this way;

Firstly, life can't be all seasons of bloom else we'd lose value for it.

Also, our travails are an essential aspect of the big picture since we're tested and improved by them. 

If we don't have problems, how can we determine our ability to solve them?

So chin up my friend. 

For us, life is an attempt at making something beautifully wholesome out of the broken pieces of ourselves from the circumstances we've endured. 

A responsibility we're tasked with daily and of which all these challenges that confront us are amongst. 

Discussion: 

Today's conversation is a fairly sensitive one as it stirs up emotions that are personal to us; because when we're jealous of another, does that not mean that we feel less of ourselves? 

So in our pride we continue in self denial rather than identifying the reasons for our feelings of covetousness, insecurity and shame towards others; and rightly dealing with them. 

■ The Root Of Jealousy 

To be jealous of a person is to desire to have their life so bad that we wouldn't mind wishing them misfortune or even actively becoming the source of it. 

When we find ourselves here, it's because we've wrongly belittled our own importance to life itself as it involves our own role in it and the significance of this role. 

When we understand that we matter in every little corner we're in, and start living up to our responsibilities there, it becomes difficult for another person to make us feel less of ourselves. 

The basis of jealousy is an inner discontentment that makes us want to swap places with another.

Which means that in living the life of our purpose, we find ourselves solely focused on playing our own God given role here and not comparing ourselves to others. 

■ Why We May Feel Jealous Of Others

The success of others isn't a threat to our own existence because life isn't a competition but a collaboration where we come together in a healthy exchange of value to meet each other's needs. 

When we find ourselves jealous of others it's usually for one or more of the following reasons;

▪︎ We Want To Be In Their Place

Life will test us according to our abilities, gifts and talents so be careful what you wish for. 

When we want to be in a person's shoes because of the privileges they enjoy, we should consider our willingness and readiness to live up to the responsibilities that they also bear. 

Also, we must appreciate where we are, at every point in our lives while striving to be more as a way of getting more out of life. 

▪︎ We Feel They Don't Deserve It

When people that are closest to us achieve something worthwhile it's very easy for us to discredit it because we know them well enough to know that they're not ‘special’. 

Indeed they're not, just as us. 

We're all ordinary people that can go on to do extraordinary things if we want it enough to go all out for it. 

▪︎ We Didn't See The Work They Put In 

The reason we feel others are undeserving is because we don't see the hard work, sweat and sacrifice that have gone in as part of the preparations to get where they are. 

So we begin to feel unlucky not knowing that the fortunate man by way of consistent trying had made his own luck. 

▪︎ We Don't See The Challenges That Come With It 

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown because the responsibility to cater for others can sometimes be overwhelming. 

The responsibility to live up to standards of excellence as a way of soaring through a world that is constantly looking to drown us with pleasures, is a challenge leaders are continually faced with, of which not everyone has the discipline to confront. 

When we ask for prominent roles in society, we've asked to put the needs of others above ours. 

▪︎ We Feel Threatened By Their Position

If we're the type to treat others with indignity due to our status as if “to rub it in” then it's only normal that we feel threatened by those we see in such positions even if they've not related to us in any way that suggests that. 

This is only natural, as we mirror ourselves with these fears.  

▪︎ We Fear They'd Leave Us 

Sometimes jealousy is driven by the fear of being left behind as we feel that we may no longer meet up or that we can no longer get the attention or time that we used to. 

This is also a mirror of our own character as we want to be the ones leaving others behind and for the fear that they would, do everything to hold them back in every way we can. 

■ Impacts Of Jealousy On Our Relationships 

A negative emotion will only have adverse effects on the relationship and so it is with being jealous. 

Once we find ourselves in the unhealthy desire for the life of another it affects our relationship with them since we begin to; 

▪︎ Compete With Them 

The person that we're competing with might just be living the way they know how to; oblivious of the fact that we're secretly looking to best or ‘outperform them’.

This is no longer a friendship but a rivalry that is detrimental rather than impactful. 

▪︎ Sabotage Them 

When jealousy is still at the initial stages, we may not be too eager to harm a person but we'll definitely act in ways that will one way or the other mislead, deceive or deny them of opportunities. 

When we become jealous of a person we begin to consciously or unconsciously step back from our roles in their lives that support them to get better. 

▪︎ Harm Them 

As jealousy gets out of hand we find ourselves actively planning ways to hurt others by going after their career, livelihood or reputation. 

Here, we find ourselves deriving some form of satisfaction from seeing them suffer and hurt even though that doesn't improve our own lives in any way but rather robs us of one more person that could be there for us. 

▪︎ Betray Them 

To hurt someone that genuinely wants the best for us or at least not actively looking to harm us is a dishonourable act. 

When people trust us enough to allow us access to them, it places on us a responsibility to protect them.

Therefore, to wield the sword by which they die will always be a shameful act even if it puts us in their place. 

■ Impacts Of Jealousy On Us

It's not only our relationships that are affected by jealousy as it continues to eat us up. 

As individuals it makes us; 

▪︎ Resentful 

Jealousy makes us antagonize others because of the constant war we're in, within ourselves. 

When we constantly pick on a person, our relationship with them is affected badly so that the frequent friction in it affects our own happiness and peace of mind too. 

▪︎ Bitter 

If we're saddened by the good news of others then we've become bitter. 

When the success of others that doesn't in any way deny us of ours, triggers us to be unhappy and angry we only hurt ourselves. 

▪︎ Ashamed 

Jealousy will have us live in shame because we have this prevalent inferiority complex that makes us think of others as relating to us differently “because of”. 

When we belittle ourselves we feel threatened by the presence of those we consider better than us. 

▪︎ Limited 

Jealousy stands in the way of collaboration so that we limit ourselves by competing with those we could have partnered with to good effect. 

When our attitude denies us the opportunity to interact with those that we should be learning from, we miss out on the chance to grow. 

Summary: 

The truth is that jealousy is a natural emotion so to protect ourselves against it, we must desist from acting in ways that stirs it up in others. 

When we move around acting like we're better than everyone else or using areas of our strength to ridicule their own weaknesses we make ourselves easy targets. 

Also, we must be careful not to attempt to overcome jealousy with goodness as an ungrateful person will always find a reason to justify their ingratitude before using it as a weapon to harm us.

Which means that in order not to sacrifice ourselves to them like lambs to the slaughter, we can intentionally create that distance between us and them. 

Finally, jealousy is an unsuitable behaviour for us as servants of God because its ripple effects open us up to other attitudes that eventually destroy us.

We should therefore pick up contentment as a weapon to bury it deep within, where it is unable to manifest in our lives and our relationships with those around us.

Master Apprentice.

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