Guilt: The Impact Of Separation

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

Last week we introduced this conversation on guilt, exploring how we sometimes beat ourselves up more than necessary, feeling we deserve it for what we've done.

We also discussed how confession, the courage to open up, sets the tone for reconciliation.

However, today’s theme deserved more explanation and depth than we could give it in that conversation, which is exactly why we'd be doing so now.

Discussion:

One of the common consequences of guilt is separation.

Here, rather than face the discomfort of confession, we often choose what feels like the easier option: pulling away.

This means that instead of owning up to what we’ve done, we become sneaky and distant in the relationship.

Truth is, when we know we've broken someone's trust or risk disappointing them, we usually try to withdraw from them because we're ashamed.

Yet this isn’t the healthiest approach, because this separation creates significant impacts on the relationship, some of which we'd explore here together.

To do that well, it'll help if we first understand why a guilty conscience tends to choose separation over confession.

■ Guilt - Understanding Why We'd Rather Pull Away

It takes real courage to confess, and that’s not something that comes easy to a guilty person.

Truth is, guilt makes us feel small because we’re ashamed of our actions, which is exactly why we don't mind going to different lengths to hide it.

One of which is, avoiding the person we've wronged, because being around them reminds us of what we've done.

Here, to justify our actions, we usually convince ourselves that it's because we love them that we've shielded them from the pain of finding out.

Yet deep down, we really just want to protect the good image they have of us, something we're afraid the truth will destroy.

This explains why we go on to pull away without hesitation, preserving that image and by doing so leave them confused, wondering what on earth went wrong.

Truly, this can't be love.

It's self deceit at best or manipulation at worst; and only inflicts a different kind of pain on them.

If anything, real love is a powerful force that can push us to rise above our shame, confess what we’ve done, accept the consequences, and find our way back through reconciliation and gradual healing.

Indeed, what kind of love ever chooses separation over staying together?

■ Guilt - How Pulling Away Affects The Relationship

Three key things we cherish in our relationships are: presence - the comforting awareness that we’re not alone; intimacy - the wonderful closeness of companionship; and support - the added strength of someone else; giving us that extra push.

However, when guilt makes us pull away, we rob ourselves of all these, and in that process we also do the same to the other person, because they would've benefited from our reciprocation.

This is why separation is hardly a wise choice.

The truth is, the more relationships we destroy, the less opportunities we have to share our lives with others, serving them with our gifts.

This costs us of the blessings that come from doing so, and them, the solutions we could have provided.

In addition to these, no one is an island, and we're far better off leaning on one another as we journey through life than doing so on our own.

This is ultimately why reconciliation is better than separation, mending bridges and keeping our channels of interaction open rather than burning them and blocking them off.

■ Guilt - The Impact Of Divine Separation 

As believers, God calls us to love Him so deeply that we never allow the guilt of our sin to drive a wedge between us and our relationship with Him.

Some of us have simply stopped praying because we’re overwhelmed with shame over the sins we’ve committed, sins we’re deeply embarrassed by and not proud of in the slightest.

Consequently, we run from Him, terrified that He’ll judge us harshly for what we’ve done.

Yet, He's nothing like that, and separating ourselves from Him only ends up costing us far more than it ever needs to.

Here, in pulling away from Him, we forfeit the peace His presence brings, the joy of intimacy with Him, and the confidence that comes with knowing that He’s always right there, supporting us through every season of life.

Truth is, God longs for us to come to Him, confessing our sins and expressing sincere remorse.

He knows we’re not perfect, which is why He keeps offering us His grace again and again, forgiving us each and every time.

Even so, this doesn’t mean we escape the consequences of our choices.

While He is a God of love, He is also a God of discipline, allowing our punishments to serve as reminders to do better moving on.

Summary:

We all make mistakes, and at some point we'll do things we’ll later regret.

However, these things don’t define us, nor do they condemn us to remain stuck this way for the rest of our lives.

The truth is, the best way to handle guilt isn’t to hide from it but to face it directly, prepared to accept the consequences of our actions.

This way we clear our conscience, choosing the peace that confession brings.

Master Apprentice.

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