Guilt: Dealing With The Burden Of Regret

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

Last week we explored anger from a fresh perspective, understanding how it can be used to manipulate us into self sabotage and eventual implosion.

From your responses, it was heartening to see how deeply you resonated with the topic, showing that it’s something we can all relate to.

Moreso, I want to thank you sincerely for your kind words of appreciation with regards to the quality of our interactions.

Such encouragement truly gives me strength as it reaffirms that what we share here is creating a meaningful impact in your life.

Indeed, it's the same for me.

As the custodian of these words, I feel a continual responsibility to live up to the very standards we explore here together; even though I still fall short myself.

However, let's keep at it, pushing each other, holding ourselves accountable, and growing slowly yet steadily, side by side.

Discussion:

The consequences of our actions can leave us filled with regret once we grasp how they’ve impacted us or the people we care about.

This is what it means to feel guilty; that deep sense of sorrow for what we’ve done.

Truth is, there's this overwhelming sense of sadness, disappointment or embarrassment that engulfs us after we've come to the realization, acknowledgement or acceptance that we could have acted better.

Here, we're not referring to the casual feeling of letting someone else down, but a lot deeper, the kind that weighs heavily on us, especially because of the extent of damage we've caused.

The kind that makes us hold on to the pain, beating ourselves up and acting as if to punish ourselves as justice for what we've done.

Unfortunately, this approach is flawed, which is precisely why moving forward it's necessary for us to learn better ways to deal with things.

■ Guilt - Analyzing Our Intentions 

When our actions affect us alone, it's often easier for us to endure the consequences.

However, when they affect others, we tend to carry the guilt for much longer, repeatedly blaming ourselves for the role we played in their circumstance.

For instance, when our own negligence in the form of recklessness or a failure to take charge of a situation, brings about severe consequences for someone else, we can find it extremely difficult to forgive ourselves.

So we hold onto this guilt for far too long.

The truth is, when certain misfortunes befall the people we love, the situation hurts us as well.

We share in their burden too, which only makes it a deeper kind of pain, when we're the ones responsible for their predicament.

Consequently, it weighs heavily on us, as we're repeatedly tormented by the memory of what we've done.

Yet, in our minds, living miserably in this way feels exactly like what we deserve for our actions.

The real question though is: for how long?

The truth is, mistakes are an inevitable part of life.

So when they occur, the healthiest response is to move forward, while learning from them.

This way we give meaning to the pain we've had to endure; and that's something punishing ourselves indefinitely, robs us of.

Here, it's important to remind ourselves that our intentions were never to cause any harm and just like the affected person, we regret the unfortunate outcome.

This understanding puts things into perspective.

It reminds us that we acted according to the knowledge and ability we possessed in that moment and that alone is sufficient reason to begin releasing our guilt.

■ Guilt - Extending Grace To Ourselves 

One way or the other, things can still go wrong, and when they do, it doesn’t mean we should carry the burden for the rest of our lives, denying ourselves the chance to heal and move on.

The truth is that many times we have watched things go wrong despite our best efforts, our carefulness, and our deliberate attempts to tie up every loose end.

While this does not excuse our shortcomings, it still reminds us that we cannot always be in control of everything or of every moment.

So if we can forgive ourselves when things go wrong despite our best efforts, we can still find the inner strength to do the same even when our efforts fall short.

After all, we have grown better from the experience and now stand ready to act differently if faced with a similar situation again.

This is adequate consolation.

■ Confession - Confronting The Guilt Of Deception

One of the hardest kinds of guilt to carry is the guilt that comes from deception, knowing deep down that we’ve been dishonest with the person we’re with.

Many of us have built relationships on a foundation of lies, and now that those relationships have grown into something meaningful, the weight has become too heavy to bear.

The truth is, honesty saves everyone time and sets us free.

Indeed, if we have to lie or pretend to be someone we’re not just to keep a relationship, then it was never truly aligned with what’s meant for us in the first place.

In this case, the best way to release this guilt is through confession: to accept and face the consequences of our deception rather than continue living with the guilt of quietly hurting someone else.

■ Unhappiness - The Guilt Of Missing Out On Our Purpose

As believers in God, each of us has a divine commission: the responsibility to bring glory to His name when we use our gifts and talents to serve others.

This is our purpose.

However, many of us in search of more money, fame, recognition or status miss out on this, consequently missing out on fulfillment; the divine reward of living out our purpose.

Ultimately, we're unhappy, because none of these things alone can satisfy us, unless we find them in God while we're serving Him diligently.

So wherever we find ourselves, we must do our work as if it's unto Him, bringing glory to His name with our excellent and outstanding conduct.

Summary:

When a guilty person shows genuine remorse and apologizes to us, we can choose to offer them our forgiveness, extending the very grace we would hope to receive if we were in their position.

The truth is, we are all imperfect humans, each carrying our own flaws.

So when we close our hearts to others, we pretend as though we ourselves are without fault.

Indeed, it takes real strength and courage to acknowledge our shortcomings and commit to doing better.

So when we see someone walking that same difficult path, we can offer them our support and the gift of a second chance.

Master Apprentice.

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