Grievance: Because They're To Blame

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

Earlier in the week another friend threw me a question that sparked my curiosity, especially as I didn't have an answer to it.

Since then, I've been thinking about it a lot and together we're going to do the same in this conversation.

That way, when we're done, we would have arrived at an answer together, hopefully one that satisfies every aspect of the question.

Discussion:

We've all experienced challenging moments where the outcome might have been different if someone had acted differently.

For this reason, we're angry at them, holding a grudge.

Here, we feel justified because their actions have put us in a difficult position, and our resentment towards them offers a sense of retribution.

This is what it means to have a grievance against someone.

Quite simply, it's anger directed at someone else because they're to be blamed for our circumstance.

■ Examining Common Grievances 

It's not every child that had the privilege of growing up in a home where their parents or guardians treated them well.

This grievance lingers for years, as each recollection feels as vivid and raw as the moment it occurred.

Here, they're upset at how this mistreatment had shaped their lives, knowing things would have been better had they received a little more love.

Similarly, some parents hold resentment toward their children, perhaps for the timing of their birth and how the subsequent decisions that followed, altered the course of their lives.

Yet is it really justified, given that the process of creating a child doesn't happen spontaneously; and the kids didn't pop out like popcorn as they walked the sidewalk?

Other times, grievances arise from betrayal, after we've endured the consequences of being thrown under the bus.

The list goes on and on.

We harbor grievances towards others for various reasons particularly to the extent to which their actions impacted our lives.

For instance, when someone's actions: like theft, abuse or murder, cause the death of a loved one, the resulting anger is profoundly intense.

To match the pain that we feel.

■ Grievance Towards Self 

One of the most painful emotions is the sense of having failed oneself.

Feeling responsible for circumstances that negatively affected someone else can create a gnawing guilt that erodes us internally.

For example, if we recommended a business to someone and they lost money, or if we were driving during an accident, we experience deep regret.

In these situations, we cling to self-directed anger, believing we deserve misery as retribution for our actions.

Here, we persist in treating ourselves harshly because we believe the misfortune that struck the other person should have easily been our own.

■ Moving On From Our Grievances 

Self-awareness is key to understanding our role in our circumstances.

While taking accountability helps us identify areas for personal growth, we must also recognize when situations are beyond our control.

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, things go wrong, and we need to accept this and embrace the lessons it brings.

This is the path to overcoming self-directed grievances.

By learning to stop being overly harsh with ourselves, we begin to extend that same compassion to others.

Many people act as they do because they lack the knowledge to do better.

Unhealed parents often raise wounded children because they haven’t addressed their own pain, limiting their ability to act more wisely.

Once we grasp this, we become more open to forgiving others, understanding that no one has life fully figured out.

We’re all navigating life for the first time, doing our best as we learn.

This isn’t an excuse for those who were deeply cruel to us, but a call to embrace forgiveness to release ourselves from the burden of anger and move forward.

■ The Difficult Question 

“People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord” — Proverbs 19:3

This is the verse that inspired my other friend's question.

According to him, “How do we improve our decision making so that we're no longer angry at the Lord?”

Indeed, this is a difficult question especially if we seek solutions apart from the God we're already upset with.

However, the answer becomes clearer if we set aside our grievances against Him for a moment and recenter our lives on Him, this time with a different approach.

Much of our anger toward God stems from feelings that He could have acted differently in our lives.

It's the disappointment from unanswered prayers, the unmet expectations; but is he truly to blame?

Often, our plans diverge from God’s will for us.

We grow frustrated with Him for not blessing our trust when, in reality, we didn’t pair that trust with obedience.

This is not on Him.

When our actions go against His ways, it’s only natural that we face consequences aligned with our choices.

The truth is, God loves us and desires the best for us, so that through our lives, His name is glorified.

This is His ultimate purpose for all mankind.

When our lives stray from this plan, we’re the ones who need to adjust, not God.

True wisdom lies in recognizing and willingly following God’s will for our lives.

This is how we replace foolish decisions with intentional, purposeful ones.

However, such wisdom only comes from knowing God and understanding His ways.

The Bible is filled with stories that reveal God’s character and demonstrate how He worked in the lives of those before us.

By studying these, we learn to align ourselves with His will, allowing Him to work similarly in our own lives.

Herein, lies our answer.

Summary:

Many relationships break down because grievances couldn't be reconciled.

However, if we can genuinely regret our own actions and seek to make amends, why should we deny others the chance to do the same when they’ve wronged us?

Discernment is crucial here.

No one expects us to let ourselves be hurt by the same person twice.

Yet, we can recognize when it’s appropriate to repair relationships and maintain contact, or when it’s better to keep our distance without harboring hatred.

Above all, let us avoid being like fools who direct their anger at God.

What does He stand to lose?

Nothing, but our struggling souls, which He tirelessly seeks to redeem.

Master Apprentice.

www.x.com/truekingmaker