Forgiveness: When It Cuts Too Deep

Introduction:

On Good Friday, it feels especially fitting for our discussion to center on forgiveness, one of the most profound lessons from the Easter story.

In our previous conversation, we introduced this by exploring loyalty, highlighting why it can be so fickle and rare, and how nearly everyone is capable of betraying another person under the right circumstances.

Truth is, betrayal usually cuts deep, and some wounds cut even deeper depending on the severity of the act and the people involved.

Which often makes forgiveness incredibly difficult.

However, at what point does holding on to such unbearable pain and hurt become more burdensome than the act of letting it go?

Discussion:

Forgiveness is a fundamental requirement for true reconciliation, as it is impossible to move forward together in a relationship while we're still carrying the pain caused by one party’s actions against the other.

To forgive someone means to release the wrongdoings we have suffered at their hands, in order to mend the wounds and holes that their betrayal and hurt have created in the relationship.

Indeed, this is far from easy, especially because there is often a much stronger urge to retaliate or simply walk away rather than to rebuild and continue together.

Which is precisely why it demands a deeper level of willpower and self awareness to genuinely forgive others and fully let go of any lingering grudges.

However, for this to happen, the conditions must be right for it, which makes understanding these conditions a good way for us to move forward with our conversation.

■ Forgiveness - Understanding What It Takes To Let Go

Genuine forgiveness is a shared responsibility that rests on both the offender and the offended, and unless each one is ready, it can drag on for longer than necessary.

The truth is, forgiveness can only truly occur when these three are well aligned:

▪︎ Remorse 

It's the responsibility of the offender to acknowledge their wrongdoing, showing a deep sense of willingness to become and act better moving forward.

This is what genuine remorse is about.

Here, a good first step is confession, the honest and definite acceptance of our role in the painful outcome.

For the other party, this sets the tone for closure, that quiet state where their confusion and questions have been put to rest, by our honest answers.

We owe them this much before they're really going to open their hearts to forgiveness, and the rebuilding of broken trust; without which it's impossible to move forward together.

▪︎ Love

Love on the part of the offended is essential, making it possible for them to willingly grant a second chance to a remorseful person.

When the hurt runs deep, only a force as powerful as love can overcome the strong pull of justice that makes us want to hold onto a grudge until we pay back the pain.

Yet, love asks us to let go, allowing us to forgive the other person because we still want them in our lives.

Truth is, in the absence of love, remorse loses its potency to repair, leading to people drifting apart, lacking that willingness to come back together.

▪︎ Time 

Sometimes it's difficult to forgive especially when the wound is still fresh or the person is still suffering the consequences of the betrayal.

Here, part of remorsefulness is patiently allowing them the space to heal from the hurt, even as we try our best to show the sincerity of our apology with the quality of our actions as we wait for them.

The reality is, some people need more time to come around after being deeply let down so we shouldn't force it or give up on trying, too soon.

…and if we're the ones that have been offended, we can choose to be open and ready to forgive, so that efforts to reach us aren't unconsciously and continually rebuffed, making reconciliation take longer than is necessary.

■ Forgiveness - Why It's Better To Let Go 

If we were to share our experiences with the people we have chosen not to forgive, our anger and grudge would most likely appear completely justified.

After all, they are the ones who hurt us, and we have every right to respond as we see fit.

Yet forgiveness is a choice, one we make not just for the other person, but primarily for ourselves, having realized that the longer we cling to the hurt and pain, the unhappier we become.

The truth is, unforgiveness is a heavy burden we carry alone and when that weight becomes too much, it begins to spill over and affect our other relationships, having subconsciously allowed our grievance to become our personality.

This is robbing ourselves far more than the original betrayal ever did.

Which means that when we choose to forgive, we're also deciding to put a stop loss on what the betrayal has already cost.

■ Forgiveness - After We've Let Go 

Going forward in the relationship, forgiveness should never be weaponized or used to manipulate the other person into doing things they wouldn’t normally want to do.

If we resort to this, then we're not much different from the very behavior that hurt us in the first place.

The truth is, genuine forgiveness should be never used as a tool for blackmail, constantly reminding the other person of the mistakes we have forgiven, as if to imply that they now owe us something in return.

Worse still, by doing this, we constantly remind them of the very mistakes that we know they sincerely regret and are trying try to rise above.

■ Forgiveness - The Divine Perspective On Letting Go

On Good Friday, we remember the death of Jesus Christ on the cross after He was betrayed by one of His own disciples.

Yet the true significance of that event goes far beyond the betrayal.

On that cross, He died for our sins, forgiving every one of them, even in advance.

By doing so, he shows us by example, his stance on forgiveness; as he willingly gave His life for the sinner, offering the remorseful heart another chance to get it right.

Summary:

Happy Easter my friend!

These two weekends we've pointed out a few lessons from the very events that surrounded it, some thousand years ago.

Hopefully, we'd be reflecting on some of them as we spend our holidays with family and friends.

See you next week.

Master Apprentice.

www.x.com/truekingmaker