Familiarity: Devaluation By Closeness

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

To begin with, have you ever been in those situations where you say a thing to a child and they just stare but immediately their mom says the same, they take action?

Well, that's a show of familiarity.

The child recognized the mother's voice and could trust it or readily take orders from it as the case might have been.

Therefore, to be familiar with something is to know it because we've got sufficient information on it by close observation, study or interaction.

Which means that we can say that we're familiar with: an environment we've been to or lived in, cultures we've studied or experienced, family and friends that we interact with and so on.

In other words, familiarity is knowledge by proximity or closeness.

Discussion:

Familiarity as it concerns our relationship with family and friends means that there's a level of intimacy between us such that we feel comfortable enough around ourselves to be expressive and vulnerable because we know each other like that.

This is good because in its absence, it'll be difficult for us to share ourselves with others or let them into our lives even when we need them.

After all, no one is an island and we all deserve that feeling of camaraderie; to lean on someone else whenever the going gets tough alone.

This is how we let in others with their wise counsel, care, emotional support and so on because we trust them, rather than building walls that pushes everyone away.

■ When Familiarity Becomes Overfamiliarity 

There's a common saying that “overfamiliarity breeds contempt” and this is true because while the reason we're going to open up to someone is because we know them, it may also be the reason that we may not listen to their good counsel.

When someone is our friend or family we can begin to lose value for them and their words because we can't see them for their true value beyond that relationship we have.

For instance, if a friend is a medical doctor, we may overlook their medical advice to listen to another medical officer because the overfamiliarity with our friend makes us see them more as our friend and less of a doctor.

Which makes their words feel less like medical advice to us.

This isn't really the best way to go about things because when we do, we miss out on good counsel that would have normally been beneficial to us.

■ Impacts Of Overfamiliarity 

Overfamiliarity is devaluation by closeness because when we have an existing relationship with a person it can become difficult for us to see them for their real worth.

Self development means that the same person we used to know that used to have certain ideologies and mindset could have moved on from them having become confronted with more information from learning.

When this happens, we need to accept them for this new person which also means accepting any changes in the dynamics of the relationship - that is, if we feel it's a relationship that is still worth holding on to.

While familiarity strengthens bonds as we know each other enough to trust ourselves and relate intimately, overfamiliarity is beginning to take peeps for granted as a result of this bond.

Which is why we may behave in any of the following ways:

▪︎ We're Not Supportive Of Our Friends Enterprises

Since most people seem to agree that business patronage comes more from strangers than friends then it means we're all buying from strangers.

Most times, the people closest to us don't support our business until it becomes popular to do so; after we've already built it without them.

This is hardly due to jealousy as we often think it is but because most people struggle to show trust in the abilities of someone they know too well.

Here, the saying “a prophet isn't honoured in his own home” comes to mind.

Indeed, it can be frustrating to see folks talk down on our dreams because they feel we lack what it takes to achieve it but this isn't something we should take too personally.

If we go out there and conquer, they'll still be the ones to cheer us on our homecoming.

Most importantly, we must remember that having others ignore our worth shouldn't leave us discouraged or questioning our convictions.

▪︎ We Spend More For Less Value 

When we lack faith in our friends, we'd go elsewhere in search of the same or even inferior value to what they can provide.

When we feel our friends don't measure up to our standards because they're just starting out with their business, we take away from them the opportunity to learn and grow from experience.

Who best to cut them some slack and allow them to try out new things without pressures, if not us their friends?

While it's true that certain things may be too much of a risk to trust them with, let this indeed be the case and let it not be because we feel that our friend charging less means their value is inferior to the other person.

▪︎ We Refuse To Share Our Problems 

Overfamiliarity can make us not want to share our problems because we think the person we're with lacks the means to provide us with a solution.

This may not always be the case.

Many times we carry alone burdens that would have been otherwise shared and lifted because we feel it may be too much for the next man to bear.

Yet genuine love allows people to be willing and available to show solidarity if we let them in rather than keep mute.

▪︎ We Miss Out On Opportunities 

Some people have passed up chances to work in places with a good pay and established learning curve because they'll have to be subordinate to someone they know.

This is prideful and unwise.

Unless someone is intentionally being condescending and humiliating then there's nothing wrong with being under the authority of someone we know.

After all, our love should go hand in hand with our respect and if we respect them enough we'd see it as a good way to bond.

▪︎ We Compete With Our Network 

Collaboration can be an easier way to do more.

When we're in competition with those we should be learning from we become ashamed to ask questions or seek help, and this holds us back.

Also, when it comes to group settings, the rest may have to step back at times and let one person take center stage because they understand that this person is better suited for such openings and that their individual success is the success of the collective as well.

Lastly, when there's a hierarchy we should consider our access to those above as an opportunity to gather more information, improve and prepare ourselves for when we'd be called to step up.

Summary:

It's good to have arrived here at the end of this discussion with you my friend.

Together this has given us the opportunity to reflect on our relationships so that we can go back to make amends where necessary.

I hope that our stay has been worth your time; if so, let's do it again next Friday.

Master Apprentice.

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