Criticism: Because We're Not Perfect

Introduction:

Welcome my friend, 

It's our first conversation since we matched into April so “Happy New Month To You”

May it treat us kindly, bringing us smiles and good fortune; and if we have any setbacks, may it be those that propel us to take flight, like a rocket launching into the skies. 

Yet, it's fine if we're not the ones to have lofty dreams; or care about the grand things.

It's fine if we're just content where we are, with no aspirations to fly so high but finding satisfaction in the small things.  

It's fine to be fulfilled by modesty, leading simple lives in our little corners; and readily availing ourselves to handle our designated responsibilities. 

This is also quite the achievement.

So whether we want to shoot for the stars or simply look into them from our windows, it's our choice to make, because what really matters is to find happiness while at it; living out our very own essence. 

Discussion:

In understanding the word criticism, we can say that it's a type of feedback that suggests that there is room for improvement if not the need for it. 

When this happens it can lead to hostility because the one being criticized may feel that the critic has implied that they're “not good enough” or have disrespected their qualities and efforts. 

Which is why to be on either side of criticism and handling each situation well requires wisdom and tact, some of which we'd be pointing out in today's conversation. 

■ Why We May Reject Criticism 

When we're on the receiving end of criticism we find ourselves struggling to accept what has been pointed out to us due to the following reasons: 

▪︎ Pride 

When we feel we're infallible, we're going to be infuriated by criticism regardless of who and why we've been criticized. 

When we feel we have more experience, more knowledge and everything more than everyone else we become repulsive to their criticism since we think they're “not fit to question us” even when our shortcomings are pretty much obvious. 

▪︎ Relationship With The Critic 

To a large extent our ability to accept or reject criticism is dependent on who the critic is and our relationship with them. 

When we have a bad relationship with them, it's easy to hold on to the point that their feedback may be based on an existing bias rather than look at it objectively. 

On the other hand, we're more receptive to criticism when it's from those that we know genuinely love us because we feel it's from a place of concern and care. 

▪︎ How We Were Criticized 

Even when we can clearly see our faults, we may rebuff criticism and become defensive if it's altered with disdain and condescendment. 

When we sense that the words used to criticize are ones that tear down rather than support and encourage, we'd likely respond with hostility. 

▪︎ What's At Stake 

If we have a deadline entry to meet, we may reject anything that means improvement and adjustment because there's no time for it, even if it gives us a better chance. 

Sometimes when we reject criticism, it's due to our unwillingness to bear the cost of change, which in itself may be a more costly decision in the long run. 

■ How We Should Criticize 

Having seen why we may do badly with accepting criticism it also means that we have a responsibility to be good critics too if the roles are reversed. 

That way we'd be able to criticize: 

▪︎ Objectively 

The aim of criticism is to point out areas of improvement and to effect the right changes not for bullying, proving a point or vendetta. 

When we criticize others let it be because we genuinely feel that they've not got it right and can do better rather than doing so merely to put them under pressure. 

▪︎ Firmly 

The fact that someone is close to us doesn't mean that we can't demand more from them and hold them accountable until they effect that change. 

When we close our eyes to incompetence so that we don't offend another, we fail on our responsibility of calling them out and pushing then to grow. 

▪︎ Clearly 

We can criticize without ambiguity so that we don't come back tomorrow expecting a change we've failed to explain how we want it implemented. 

When we take up the critic role it should be because we have a better suggestion in mind and not just condemning things for the sake of it. 

▪︎ In Isolation Of…

When someone makes a particular mistake we can focus solely on that without implying that they're a holistic failure. 

When we want to criticize others for one thing we can focus on that rather than pointing out or reminding them of other things they've done or even corrected in the past. 

We don't have to blame a person over and over again for things they're trying to move past. 

■ How To Assess Criticism 

It's not all criticism that we should take to heart because some are just baseless with much more sinister intentions than demanding more of us.

It's for this reason that we assess all criticisms; rightly reaching our conclusion based on the following: 

▪︎ The Motive Of The Critic 

Criticism doesn't have to be insulting or hateful else we can question the motive for which it's been said. 

When we get targeted in ways where we're put under the microscope as if to force an error even if it's not there, then we begin to ask why. 

If as bosses we suddenly start seeing errors in the suggestions and works of a subordinate we used to admire, is it because they're really slipping up or because we feel threatened? 

When criticism is done to oppress or “keep in check” then it's no longer serving its purpose and shouldn't be taken to heart. 

▪︎ The Standard Of Judgment

In a world that's constantly looking to bully those who dared be themselves into silence, standing firmly on one's principles can be met with criticism. 

If we're being called “uptight”, “boring”, “naive” and other such names because of our beliefs and convictions then that's undue criticism that should be thrown out of the door.

As Godly men with a purpose driven life, we have a responsibility to close out any criticism that isn't based on God's perfect will for our lives. 

▪︎ The Possibility Of Implementation 

There are some people that will never take any action but will criticize others for taking “small actions” 

These are not people to be taken seriously. 

As we live through life we're encouraged to smell the roses, appreciating every of our progress along the way with pride knowing what it took us to get there. 

We must never allow naysayers to belittle our efforts, only pointing us to how bigger and better it can be without ever appreciating our efforts to have at least tried. 

■ How To Respond To Criticism

Once we find the humility to accept that we're imperfect and are mere works in progress, we become more open to criticism, seeing it as a challenge to demand more of ourselves, learn and improve. 

However, we should be careful not to be driven by it. 

When we internalize the words of those who tell us “we can't amount to anything” we find ourselves under an unhealthy pressure to prove them wrong.  

This shouldn't be so. 

When we base all our actions on the validation of others and avoiding their criticism, we lose ourselves. 

Criticism should therefore point us to what needs to improve without demanding us to entirely change our identity. 

■ Self Criticism And Accountability 

When we compare ourselves to others, highlighting only areas of their strengths with respect to our own weaknesses, we stand no chance. 

This feeling of not being enough can push us to be hard on ourselves, never really appreciating our own uniqueness because we can't even see it. 

This is self criticism. 

To be accountable is to be able to see situations objectively, being willing to accept our misdeeds; and to intentionally try to improve rather than shift blame.

Self criticism therefore isn't accountability; and beating ourselves up even when we know we gave our all, is the fastest way to lose self trust. 

Summary: 

There are two parts to criticism, the critic and the criticized; and we all can be either. 

So when we criticize others, we should do so fairly and gracefully knowing that we'd want them to extend the same to us. 

Nobody is perfect and we should rather encourage each other; as we try to do our best. 

Master Apprentice.

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