Bruises

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

Every time I feel like saying, “It’s good to be back here with you,” it sounds a bit cliché, so I usually look for something else.

…but it's true.

It’s always good to spend this time together, to rest, to learn, and through that learning identify things to unlearn.

Truth is, it's the same for me too.

Many of the things we discuss here aren't things I'm perfect with, but things that I hope that by sharing with you, we can hold each other's hands, learning side by side, and growing as a result.

So welcome my accountability partner, if you do accept that title, my friend.

Discussion:

The difference between an injury and a bruise is that an injury feels serious enough to demand our immediate attention and care.

A bruise, on the other hand, seems minor; a bit of discomfort we can easily brush off.

So we ignore it.

Yet, that little tear that didn't matter at first, can expose us, becoming the opening through which we get infected.

So that what once felt inconsequential, over time, degenerates into devastating consequences.

Well, bruises also show up in our human relationships and today we're going to see how.

It's true that there's been times when we wondered why a relationship suddenly collapsed or hit rock bottom.

…but was it truly sudden, or did we simply overlook the warning signs?

■ Bruises - The Little Wounds 

When a big misunderstanding or argument happens in a relationship, we immediately recognize there’s a problem that needs fixing.

So we find a way to reconcile and move forward.

These are the relationship injuries; the clear tears that we address quickly in order to keep going together.

Then there are the smaller things that create quiet discontent.

…but we don’t think they matter much because overall, we’re still good.

So we leave them unaddressed.

Yet, what we don’t realize is that those little bits of discontent can quietly accumulate, building resentment.

An infection that eventually leads to devastating consequences as things spiral out of control.

■ Bruises - Identifying Little Wounds 

It's not every wound that announces itself.

Most of them slip in wearing the disguise of things too small to mention, and that's exactly what makes them dangerous.

Some of them include:

▪︎ Self Judgement 

When we feel we don't quite measure up, or fit in, we'd always question ourselves in the relationship.

Consequently, a day will come when we'd no longer want to be there because we're tired of feeling small.

This is a real thing.

Indeed, self judgement is quiet, so we never really notice it, until it reaches that breaking point, having been built up by such factors as;

• receiving so much more than we have the capacity to give.

• the recognition that we may be worlds apart with our differences despite our similarities.

• a lack of confidence in what we feel we bring to the relationship.

These things create pressure within us, causing us to start acting defensively towards the other person even when they haven't said or done anything to make us feel that way.

…and if they're the type to respond in retaliation, things can easily spiral downward uncontrollably.

▪︎ Unmet Needs 

When some of our expectations in a relationship are left unmet, it creates a kind of dissatisfaction and neediness that's subtle at first until we begin to feel unhappy where we're at.

Then we want out so badly.

Here, we begin to even find fault in the other needs that they meet satisfactorily, simply because remaining there with them feels like a cage we don't want to be in.

▪︎ Precedence

When the affection that used to come first now comes later, and the effort that used to be constant now arrives only when convenient.

It creates a friction that starts off subtly until it gets to that place where we start questioning their love, even to the point of wanting out.

Here, nothing dramatic happened, just a slow and steady drift.

There was no single day the pattern changed.

We just realized that things are no longer what they used to be, leaving us unsatisfied and unhappy.

▪︎ Poor Communication

Communication strengthens bonds as we share each other's lives, understanding ourselves better from keeping up with each other.

However, it’s not the absence of talking that's the problem, most times it's the presence of little talks to fill up the space in order to avoid the real and indepth conversations.

It's choosing the illusion of staying comfortable and quietly wrong, as if quietness equals peace.

Then one day, because that silence has been troubling, it explodes, letting out the loud thoughts of unanswered questions that have been piling up.

■ Bruises - Healing The Little Wounds 

Most of us tend to ignore a bruise until it turns into an infection because we underestimate how much harm even a small wound can cause, until it spirals out of control.

That’s why the first essential step is acknowledgement: the simple act of becoming aware and admitting that something isn’t right.

This is followed by reassurance, the intentional practice of using our words and thoughtful actions to show someone that we choose them every single day.

Yet reassurance goes even further.

It also means reminding ourselves that we are enough, and that compatibility isn’t about being identical, but about being willing to work together to build a healthy relationship.

Once we truly embrace this understanding, everything else becomes easier.

We grow more willing to have the honest, difficult conversations we’ve been avoiding, choosing discomfort in exchange for truth.

Most importantly, we begin the deep work of transformation: the quiet, unglamorous, ongoing effort of examining our own patterns, facing our defensiveness, and breaking the habit of letting things slide simply because confrontation feels harder than silence.

■ Bruises - The Role Of Humility In Healing Wounds

Humility is what makes any of the healing steps we’ve discussed truly possible.

In its absence, acknowledgement turns into defensiveness, reassurance becomes a bargaining tool, and honest conversations devolve into courtrooms where each person fights to win rather than to understand.

Indeed, humility is the willingness to accept that we might be wrong before rushing to prove we’re right.

It’s what allows us to hear “you hurt me” without immediately responding with “but you also…”

It's not weakness, it's strength; the kind that no longer needs to prove itself right at expense of the feelings of someone it claims to love.

Truth is, the relationships that survive their bruises are rarely the ones with the fewest ones.

They are simply the ones where both people remain humble enough to care for the small things before they grow into something much larger.

■ Bruises - When We're Angry With God 

As believers, when our prayers go unanswered in the way we hoped, we can easily become tempted to drift away from God.

After all, our expectations in the relationship aren't being met.

Or are they?

The truth is, God is not cruelly ignoring our needs.

However, most of us are often asking for things that fall outside His perfect plan for our lives, or for things we are not yet ready to handle.

So He responds with “No” or “Wait.”

This is always for our own good.

Yet because many of us don’t know Him deeply enough to see things from His perspective, we let our anger take over and turn away from Him.

What began as a small bruise of dissatisfaction then becomes infected by the dangerous decision to turn our backs on Him; after which everything else spirals downward.

Don’t let it happen.

God is always ready to offer reconciliation and healing, restoring our lives to the right path.

We simply have to be willing to come back and reconnect.

Summary:

Most relationships don’t die from loud fights, but from the small, ignored bruises we dismiss until they fester.

Healing therefore begins with humble acknowledgement, daily reassurance, and the quiet courage to tend the little things before they destroy what matters.

So let's act fast.

See you next week.

Master Apprentice.

www.x.com/truekingmaker