Boundaries: Understanding Our Limits

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

How are you doing?

I hope you've stepped into this new month with enthusiasm, eager for what the year’s end has in store.

Indeed, time is a very beautiful concept, offering us a way to measure how we live our days, from when we wake till we hit the pillow again.

It's this awareness that makes us intentional with how we spend it, so that we try to make choices and take actions that align with what we want out of it, after it has passed.

So, thanks for sharing yours with me right now, and I hope that our stay here for these next few minutes will count as time well spent.

Cheers to a Happy New Month, my friend.

Discussion:

In very simple terms, boundaries in relationships are the limits we set for how much we're comfortable interacting with others.

In other words, they determine the level of intimacy we allow, which differs from person to person based on the type of relationship we share.

Here, intimacy refers to how much access someone has to our personal or private matters, including what they know about us or what we do together.

Boundaries are healthy and important because they improve our relationships by making limits clear, allowing each person to either accept those limits or choose to walk away.

This is the basis of today's conversation.

■ Establishing Our Boundaries

When others interact with us in ways that feel inappropriate for the nature of our relationship with them, we feel uncomfortable or even take offense.

Yet, the responsibility to set and maintain our boundaries rests with us, and doesn’t always have to mean explicitly stating rules.

At times, it’s just quietly adjusting how we engage with each person based on their behaviors we've observed.

This requires discernment, wisdom, and courage, so that we not only establish the best approach to relate with each person but also show the firmness to stick with our decision.

By this we mean understanding;

▪︎ Who To Share Information With 

People who are overly talkative may unintentionally share stories that aren’t theirs to disclose.

While some individuals are private, others are open about certain aspects of their lives, which can lead them to reveal details about others to other folks they might not want meddling in their affairs.

This can be frustrating to experience, especially since they may not understand why their actions were inappropriate.

This makes such situations tense enough to easily escalate, if not handled well.

Therefore, to prevent them, we can restrain ourselves from sharing sensitive or personal information with those prone to oversharing.

▪︎ Who to Allow Into Our Personal Space

When we invite people into our personal space, we’re choosing to be patient and tolerant of their behaviors during their time with us.

This becomes easier when their behavior aligns with or complements our own.

Who we allow into our personal space matters because it affects how we expend our energy.

Honestly, it’s unnecessary to share a space with someone when it leads to constant misunderstandings or rife.

Yet, because we're in chaos ourselves, we accept such behaviors as normal.

Which means that to set healthy boundaries is to first ensure that our space is well in order, so that we can firmly exclude anyone that brings disorderliness.

▪︎ Who to Entrust with Our Finances

It's not everyone that possesses the integrity to manage money responsibly without the temptation to misuse it.

When we entrust funds to individuals who haven’t demonstrated their reliability, we often face disappointment when they fail to honor the terms of our agreement.

This can be prevented.

Money matters are delicate and can bring out the worst in people.

Therefore, it’s crucial to carefully choose who we give our money to, ensuring we avoid betrayal or regret.

When we give our money to unreliable folks we end up losing the relationship and the money, which is why it's best to only hand out amounts we're willing to part with.

▪︎ Who to Entrust with Our Vision, Goals, or Business

It’s wiser to pursue our ambitions alone and boldly challenge ourselves to succeed than to share our dreams with those who discourage or undermine us.

Similarly, it's not every acquaintance that's suitable for business partnerships, as some individuals’ poor work ethic can damage relationships within our business network.

In this case, setting clear boundaries means recognizing their limitations and not entrusting them with responsibilities they’re unlikely to handle effectively.

■ Why We Compromise Our Boundaries

Love can blind us to red flags we’d typically notice, leading us to engage in relationships that are harmful and unhealthy.

When people reveal their true selves, we should adjust how we interact with them based on who they are, not on an idealized version we imagine they could become.

Usually, clinging to this illusion only prolongs our pain and dissatisfaction since they never change.

Ideally, our boundaries exist to safeguard us, fostering healthy relationships that respect everyone’s limits and bring mutual fulfillment.

Another reason we violate our boundaries, is still tied to love, but this time, it's for a lack of it.

The absence of self love makes us permit many unhealthy things we'd normally object to.

Here, low self esteem makes us feel unworthy of love, causing us to compromise our boundaries to keep others in our lives.

We fear that if we don’t bend to accommodate them, they’ll leave us.

Yet, what value is a relationship that leaves us mostly unhappy?

■ Why We Overstep Others' Boundaries

Just because we feel comfortable engaging with someone at a certain level of closeness doesn’t mean they’re ready for the same.

We need to give them space to gradually open up to us, allowing them to reciprocate our level of connection at their own pace.

Rushing this can come across as desperation or entitlement, potentially damaging a relationship that could have flourished with patience.

Another reason we cross others’ boundaries is the arrogance of believing we know what’s best for them better than they do.

Which leads us to interfere in their lives, even when they’ve clearly asked us to back off.

This shouldn’t be.

Parents and family members are often the ones guilty of this.

As parents we must recognize that our role is to guide our children, especially when they’re young, but once they’re adults, we should shift to supporting them, trusting the judgment they’ve developed from our teachings.

■ Honoring Others’ Boundaries

Engaging with others within the limits they’re comfortable with demonstrates respect for ourselves, for them, and for the connection we share.

The reality is that not every relationship will reach the same level of intimacy, as most people connect with us based on the trust they’ve developed in us.

This is natural, and if someone prefers to keep our relationship at a level of simple courtesy, that’s perfectly acceptable.

There’s no need to push for more.

That said, we should remain open to trusting those who have earned it, rather than closing ourselves off due to past experiences or other such factors.

■ The Courage to Uphold Our Boundaries 

As believers, we are called to set boundaries on our actions.

As children of God, we have the responsibility to let our character shine, which means there are certain behaviors and environments that should be off limits to us.

Wherever we go, our consistent integrity and excellent spirit should speak for us, allowing others to recognize our commitment to godly values.

This is how we glorify God, drawing others to Him through our conduct.

This is a huge responsibility.

Summary:

Boundaries aren't there to hinder our relationships, they are only there to improve the quality of our experience in each one.

When we engage with others in a way that respects everyone’s comfort levels, it fosters harmony built on mutual respect.

Thanks for spending time with me today, see you next week!

Master Apprentice.

www.x.com/truekingmaker