Anger: The Weakness In Fierceness

Introduction:

Welcome my friend!

When I said “see you next Friday” the last time out, it wasn't because there were any guarantees that we'd be here.

So we're grateful for the gift of life which has made it possible for us to still show up in line with those words, and in accordance with our desire to be here by the same time, everytime.

Thanks for the commitment you've shown in being such a good company, it's something that I'll never take for granted.

How are you my friend?

I hope that at the end of today's discussion, you'd feel a lot better than you are now.

If that happens, it's not going to be because of anything we're going to talk about, but because you've enjoyed hanging out with this friend on the other side.

Discussion: 

Today's message is inspired by some reactions to my reply to a post on X that had to do with anger.

Dr. Nicole LePera posted:

“Yelling and a quick temper is the language of the deeply afraid.

Behind anger is fear.”

To this I replied;

“Anger is a weakness that destroys us because in that display of a lack of self control we can take actions that have dire consequences on our life, those of loved ones and everything we've worked for.

We don't have to be slaves of our emotions in such a manner.”

Quite frankly, most understood it from the context of the conversation which is a better approach to discussions in a place with word limits that hinder much wider horizons into a matter.

Yet some others quoted it out of context, remarking that anger is indeed a normal emotion rather than a weakness.

Well, this is true because it's also a feeling.

However, because we have room for more words here than we do in the comments, we're going to go into a more in depth discussion on it.

The aim of this is to understand ‘Anger’ as a feeling and as a weakness, which in all honesty is a matter of very fine margins.

After all, in our conversation last week, we understood how living without principles can make us slaves to our feelings.

■ Why We Get Angry 

It's important to note that anger is a reaction to a dissatisfaction as in an unmet need.

Keyword here is reaction.

This is because we don't set out to get angry.

“Oh! Good day everyone, today I'm going to get angry at noon”

It doesn't work that way.

What this means is that it's an unplanned and spontaneous response to being displeased with a person or circumstance such that it's expressed unpleasantly in words or actions.

This is a normal feeling.

However, when we begin to use phrases like “don't tell people how to react”, it's because we're looking to overreact, in other words, cross the line.

For instance, if someone makes a mockery of us, and we retaliate by pushing them, no one would ask what they had said if they suffered a fatal fall from that push.

Such is the thin line between a mere feeling and a weakness.

■ When Feelings Become Weakness 

When we get angry, even for the same reason, not all of us would react the same way.

Some people are calmer, opting to pause, reflect and reconcile.

We may argue that it's because they're not strong enough to fight back.

Yet others take it an eye for an eye or even both eyes because they're strong enough to.

Yet at what cost?

It's easy for anger to become rage which is a typical example of what happens when as humans we become overpowered by feelings we've left unchecked.

In that rage we may say hurtful words we can't take back, ruining a good friendship or creating almost irredeemable damages.

Worse still, we can become violent, which although may give us the satisfaction of vengeance in the moment, eventually leaves us in regret when we start facing the consequences of our actions.

This is not worth it.

Quite simply, anger becomes a weakness when it makes us;

▪︎ Predictable 

Through the consistency of our actions, those around us may tell how we'd react to situations.

Having a reputation of being easily angered makes us susceptible to manipulation as users try to trigger a reaction out of us.

Here, detractors can intentionally annoy us with the aim of setting us up into reacting angrily (as they knew we would) before capitalizing on it.

For instance, if someone in our workplace knows that we're going to walk out if we're talked down on, they may decide to do so on our big day to ruin it, or even “expose us” by playing victim after inciting us.

Even in sports, some players use this to get a red card out of an opposing player to their team's advantage.

▪︎ Easily Manipulated

If someone else can easily spark a reaction from us, it means that they can control us.

We can take our power back.

Anger clouds our judgment, causing us to act without thinking because in that moment all we want to do is take action even if it's an act we'd yet wish we didn't.

▪︎ Self Destructive 

The aim of the manipulator is to drive us into self destruction as we take actions that jeopardize our future.

People in one moment of rage have killed their best friends, partners, parents, children and so on.

In this case there are no winners.

The victim loses their life, the assailant lives with the torture of killing a loved one as they waste the rest of their lives in jail or other sterner consequences.

▪︎ Untamed 

There's no pride in saying that “I have a bad temper”

Being angry isn't a good reason to act out of control and if we're actually kind enough, there'll be a limit to our reaction to provocation.

When we react brutally, it says more about our own character than that of the person that offended us.

▪︎ Disagreeable 

When people know that we're easily offended they're going to avoid us.

People will rather steer clear of us as much as they can, if interacting with us is akin to walking eggshells.

▪︎ Uncooperative 

An angry person will struggle in a group setting because they lack the patience to cooperate with others.

This is also a weakness.

Being easily irritated by others leaves us struggling in communal environments, constantly angry at others for things we could ignore.

■ Relationship Between Anger And Pride

Revenge is something we feel strong people do so rather than let anyone take advantage of us without consequences we set out to get our pound of flesh.

This is simply the ego telling us that letting go means we're weak, yet this is untrue.

It takes humility to walk away from situations we know we have “the right” to retaliate and power to do so, yet showing restraint because it's not worth it.

This is more difficult yet noble.

A proud man is an angry man easily offended when people don't adore him as he demands.

The less seriously we take ourselves the more empathetic we become, showing others the same grace we demand rather than assuming the role of ‘the bully’ because we can.

■ Relationship Between Anger And Rejection

The feeling of not being good enough is such a difficult pill to swallow because it creates a big vacuum of dissatisfaction as our need to be loved and cared for is left unmet.

This leaves us with an internal rage that easily comes to fore in our interactions with others since we're always on the offensive.

Here, we're angry by default having taken up the ‘us against the world’ mentality probably from not finding love from parents in childhood or being bullied by peers.

This is a difficult kind of anger to overcome because losing our sense of self love makes us become repulsive to genuine love when it comes around.

Yet we're called for purpose, created for good works, which makes us very significant and having a role to play in this space.

If God thinks we're useful, why then do we feel useless?

■ God's Perspective On Anger

“Then Jesus went into the temple of God and drove out all those who bought and sold in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. And He said to them, “It is written, 'My house shall be called a house of prayer,' but you have made it a 'den of thieves.”

Even Jesus Christ gave an angry reaction to the desecration of His Temple reinforcing his discipline in a situation that called for it.

This is how we use anger with the intention to correct rather than destroy.

Summary:

The walk from anger to patience is possible when we take it with God.

Accountability is accepting that we've let our anger cost us so much, taking the decision to change that and making conscious effort in that direction.

When we call it “a normal feeling” we take away our power to choose how to respond.

Imagine giving up our future in one moment of fierceness and strength; to crush, to win, to revenge; only to end up in perpetual regret.

It's not worth it my friend.

Master Apprentice.

www.x.com/truekingmaker