Anger: Burning Oneself

Introduction:

Welcome my friend,

Over the past two weekends, we’ve enjoyed meaningful discussions on loyalty and forgiveness, drawing valuable lessons from the Easter story.

Today, however, we’re shifting away from that to explore something new: anger, an emotion everyone of us knows too well.

So that by the end of our time here, we'd have gained greater awareness and understanding as to why we sometimes respond to situations how we do.

Thus, ensuring we're better equipped to act more wisely and constructively in the future, approaching things from a new perspective.

Discussion:

Anger is a feeling of aggression toward someone else in a way that expresses our displeasure or dissatisfaction with something they have said or done.

Which makes it a normal and natural emotion, one that we can even say allows us to communicate exactly how we feel about a particular situation through our reaction.

However, sometimes we cross a line, overreacting in ways that ultimately become detrimental to us.

Now it's basically as if we've allowed someone else to set us on fire, burning ourselves.

■ Anger - Analyzing Our Trigger

None of us likes to be taken advantage of or made to look like a fool.

So when someone behaves in a way that suggests they’re doing exactly that, we usually react accordingly.

Here, the principle “action and reaction are equal and opposite” suffices, justifying our decision to respond angrily.

Yet the deeper truth is this: if someone else’s actions can so easily spark a particular reaction from us, it means we're no longer in control of ourselves.

They are, and what controls us owns us, just the way we own the devices we command with their respective remote controls; even if we don't like to see it this way.

The truth is, many times, people deliberately weaponize our tendency to respond with anger.

They provoke us in a way that draws from us the kind of extreme reaction that shifts all the attention away from the thing that triggered us, to how we reacted; because we crossed a line with our response.

This is a weakness, since at the end of the day, we're the ones that'll suffer the consequences of our actions, regardless of what prompted them.

■ Why People Weaponize Our Anger 

A good way to reach an agreement is through calm dialogue, clearly stating the facts and addressing them directly.

However, some people try to avoid this because they want to dodge accountability.

So they intentionally trigger us, igniting a flame of overreaction that could yet burn us.

The truth is, when people realize that reaching a genuine resolution would not be in their best interest, especially if it means they might have to make restitution, they often use anger as a tool, using it to create a tense atmosphere that keeps things the way they are, at our own expense.

Many people are manipulative and don’t mind using attack as a form of defense, and when we react angrily, we simply play right into their hands.

Another reason people weaponize anger is to mask their own incompetence.

We see this often in work or business settings, where someone who has overpromised and underdelivered begins to talk down on our preferences and expectations, or paints us as too demanding and difficult, rather than owning their failure to deliver.

They know that if we react with anger, it gives them the perfect window to excuse themselves, using our reaction as a kind of breakeven.

Another such reason people weaponize anger and probably the most common one, is simply to undermine us.

Which is why it doesn’t help to be smart but hot-headed.

When people can't find fault in our ability to get the job done, they try to discredit us by attacking our character and making us appear unfit.

They know that if they can portray us as the kind of person that can't control their emotions, others will begin to have second thoughts about trusting or promoting us.

So they go on to deliberately poke and provoke us in the open; and if we are unwise, we give them exactly the reaction they desire.

■ Anger - Taking Back Control Of Ourselves

When people deliberately upset us, it’s because there’s something in it for them, and at the core of that “something” is control.

This means that when we refuse to react with anger, we take our power back.

The truth is, our ego naturally wants to react in order to prove a point, which is why we often misinterpret restraint as weakness.

Yet, it's strength.

It's the ability to hold our ground, refusing to act out of character or in a way we'd later regret.

It is standing firm in the face of the urge to abandon good judgment to make quick, reactive, impulsive decisions that can carry costly and long lasting consequences.

Here, it does help to keep our eyes on the big picture.

When we understand how a short term reaction can jeopardize the grand scheme of things, we become willing to walk away, not because we aren't triggered, but because we can clearly see the potential cost of giving in to our anger.

Summary:

Today we’ve discussed anger and how it makes us susceptible to manipulation.

Now we need to begin the important work of taking our power back.

Some of us naturally have a very quick temper that makes it easy for others to provoke certain reactions from us.

We shouldn’t simply accept it as “just how we are” and do nothing while others take advantage of it to hurt us.

The truth is, there are people who once struggled with the same issue but have done the inner work to overcome it and we can do the same.

We just have to be willing and that willingness begins with honestly acknowledging our anger as a weakness.

The reality is, regardless of the trigger, the choice on how to react is always ours, which is why we're the ones to live with the consequences of our own actions.

A responsibility that means that we should always be mindful of how we act, so that we don't set ourselves on fire.

Master Apprentice.

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