The One to Count On: More Insight on True Friendships

Introduction:

Welcome Buddy!

Truly after last week's discussion on "Understanding True Friendship" it felt like there were other unsaid aspects of that convo that needed to be brought to bare in a subsequent edition of this Friday weekly newsletter.

However, I wasn't sure how to go about it having not done a continuation of any previous discussions. It was a task to decide on the following:

▪︎ How does a new reader link the whole idea of this discussion without reading the first?

▪︎ Are the unsaid things enough to make a worthwhile discussion today?

▪︎ Do I retain the same topic?

▪︎ Does the continuity make this a series?

Unsure of all of that, I took the decision to get on with what will now be next discussion after this; "The Simple Path to True Fulfillment" but half way through that writing, the burden to talk through these "unsaid aspects" became intense so here we are, u-turn successfully complete.

At the end of this, we would have had more insight on true friendship beyond last week's conversation and for anyone that needs some catching up on it here's a link

(http://whereweareone.beehiiv.com/p/new-post-e31c)

Discussion:

These days many people pride themselves in their ability to walk away, cut off, stay alone and all of those terms used to describe the trendy "nonchalance towards deep connections" yet non of these attitudes come to us naturally but are rather forced by a culture that would rather shame or antagonize something they can't have.

Truly, not like they can't have it but they've rejected the healing and inner work required to be able to establish such soulful bonds and worse still they want nothing to do with the source of it.

It's for this reason that it continues to elude them, up until the point where they replace the desire for camaraderie with a false sense of self reliance, covered with toughness and sheer arrogance on the surface but layered with deep levels of emptiness inside.

So when many people can't find true friendships it's because of some of the following reasons:

▪︎ Upbringing

Having established last time that the basis of all true friendships is love, it's therefore important to understand what love means to each of us in comparison to what it actually is.

Many of us grew up with parents or in environments where feelings of emotions were repressed or overtaken by other circumstances so we don't really know how to give or receive love.

For others, being raised in homes where parents where in constant disagreement taught us that love is unstable and chaotic so having someone express true and tender love to us feels fake and forced because it's not consistent with what we know love to be.

Also, when parents and teachers give obvious preferential treatment to the smarter or well behaved child, the others learn that love should be earned through merit and work.

Here, we learn that it's fine to put up a performance to "win over" people and we become frustrated when they walk away after we eventually run out of the steam to keep up our dishonesty.

Another group are those who felt abandoned or neglected by one or both of their parents growing up. These people will either get too attached in such a way that it overwhelms or stifles the love or become distant once they notice they're getting attached.

This is for fear of you walking out on them; so it's basically first walking away from you before you do.

One way or the other, the nature of our upbringing influences our ability to experience true friendships.

▪︎ Low Self Esteem

When we feel less of ourselves, we may struggle to handle true friendships because we feel undeserving of it.

Also, most people with low self esteem have an "us against the word mentality" where they don't give anyone enough room to get close to them, let alone, getting to know them.

They have this aggressive demeanor, constantly offensive and judging the actions of others as an attack on their personality or an attempt to undermine them.

Low self esteem can be as a result of unhealthy upbringing or built overtime as we develop a self image of ineffectiveness or unworthiness due to inner feelings of a lack of value in one or more of finance, appearance or skillset.

Whatever it is, having a low self esteem leads to self limiting and self sabotaging behaviours that hinder the development of true friendships.

▪︎ Past Failed Friendships

Betrayal happens when the ones we love and care for the most throw it back at us with acts of broken trust.

This leaves a deep scare in us because "if they can hurt us, then anybody will" yet this isn't true.

Refusing to associate with new people simply because we've been hurt in the past may save us from further pain and disappointments but it also denies us of the beautiful feeling of having someone accept us wholeheartedly and being there for us through this difficult journey of life.

In living like this we show a lack of discernment to tell real from fake which is consistent with unhealed pain and ultimately squashes every chance of true friendships.

▪︎ Our Own Bad Behaviours

True Friendship is reciprocated which means that selfish people will be unable to find it.

Also, if we have the habit of burning bridges because we feel we've crossed over, then we wouldn't have invested enough in any relationship to reap from it.

In addition, we should be aware that no one will put up with habits of bullying, toxicity, rudeness and other repulsive behaviours in the long run even if they do for a short while.

▪︎ Poor Metrics of Judgement

When we think of true friendships, on what basis do we consider another to be one?

It's easy to have folks around when it's rosy but who stands with us when the going gets tough?

Also, if we're looking to surround ourselves with "Yes men" who tell us what we want to hear rather than the truth that corrects but hurts us, we'll never have true friends.

In the same vein, if we'd value someone that invites us to eat, dine and sometimes gives us money or other material things over someone that constantly plugs us to opportunities and recommends us, we've also missed the point.

If we don't rightly assess our friendships on the basis of sustainability, we'll be lured into many meaningless associations by vanity metrics.

Summary:

It's been quite a good number of words shared again today, yet not enough to touch on all the aspects of true friendship, especially as it relates where and how to find them.

As we ponder on these thoughts as they relate to us, we can look forward to a third discussion next Friday, where we'd be looking into the source of true friendships, how we can establish them and other yet unsaid aspects of these series of discussions.

Master Apprentice

Twitter.com/truekingmaker