The One to Count On: Understanding True Friendship

Introduction:

Welcome Buddy!

It's good that we get to spend another time here together, precisely, the twentieth one; on this edition of our Friday weekly newsletter.

This puts in perspective how much time has flown by since that first one.

I've opted to use 'Welcome Buddy' for the first time and in replacement of the usual 'Welcome my friend' in my opening remark for two reasons:

Firstly, to reduce the number of times we'd have the word 'friend' in this conversation, since it is its major theme, then secondly and more importantly, because you're my buddy for sure, showing up each time to share these moments with me, word after word, week after week.

Speaking of buddies, who's that one person or those people that come to mind when you think of who your friends are, and on what basis have you built this relationship that makes you think of them so fondly?

Discussion:

If you host a party with an open invitation, lots of folks are going to show up for sure but most likely when all of that is done, you're going to be left alone to clean up the mess made in your home.

However, if someone or some folks stay back to assist, it's also most likely that of all the other guests, they're the ones closest to you.

This is a basic example of what friendship is all about.

In this we can say that;

"Friendship is a willing accepted responsibility to go the extra mile for a person because we genuinely love them and want to make things easier for them everytime we can"

To successfully fulfil these intentions it'll take the following conditions:

▪︎ Presence 

We can only be true friends to each other where we are present physically and emotionally.

Where we can't physically, due to other responsibilities, we can adapt to the situation through constant communication and attentiveness.

In the absence of this, we may be unable to explore the deeper levels of sensitivity required to truly be as supportive as we can. To connect to each other such that we can tell any distress, fear, doubt, uncertainty and every other unpleasant situation instinctively; and respond by coming through.

To be available to share good moments, victories and milestones knowing the efforts and sacrifices that went in, having been a part of it.

Being present also embraces the responsibility of being there to give good and wise counsel to each other in times of big decisions and life defining choices.

▪︎ Safety

A safe space is where we can be ourselves the most without fear of judgement, shaming, or gaslighting.

It's being comfortable enough in their midst to share our good news without arousing envy for "trying to show off .

True friendships provide comfort and security because there's consistency and stability in how we relate to each other both in words and actions.

▪︎ Sacrifice

Many times when two friends are together, the one that gets the least attention from outsiders is the one that sacrifices the most for the success of that friendship.

True friends give up all ego play to relate in humility and grace because they're leaning on each other rather than being in competition.

There's also the sacrifice of time, resources and sometimes a few compromises just to keep the commitment to the relationship.

▪︎ Reciprocation

A one sided affection is draining and will eventually fizzle out.

True friendship is nurtured by simple acts of giving back even if it's not in the same measure but with the same intentions, enthusiasm and warmth.

Reprocation shows that the love is mutual and can continue to grow and evolve because there's willingness on all sides to see it work.

■ The Basis of True Friendship

The root of all genuine affection is love.

Some day someone comes into our lives and we never let them leave because something about them resonates with our soul.

It could be having similar values, mannerisms, interests. Other times it could be how our differences perfectly align.

Whatever it is, it takes deep love to accept another wholeheartedly regardless of their flaws and weaknesses.

■ Goals of True Friendships

More than showing up in matching outfits, ending up in the same holiday destinations or picking up game and movie tickets; the objectives of real companionship are deeply rooted in the values of improvement, solidarity, companionship, inspiration and support.

On improvement; we get better from loving another deeply because in order to love them right we become patient, tolerant, understanding and forgiving.

This makes us better versions of ourselves as we see ourselves now exhibiting those attributes in our relationship with others as well.

On solidarity; true friends stand by each other through tick and thin. Cheering, pushing, and matching on with one voice and goal.

On companionship; the warmth of deep conversations, unique jokes from shared memories or even more intimately a healthy silence, are blissful experiences of being in the right company.

The reason to be friends isn't just for the sake of it but to motivate and encourage each, offering assistance how we can.

■ Effects of the Wrong Friendship

The human need for acceptance means that we're more inclined to behave in ways that'll appeal to our circle.

This makes the quality of people we surround ourselves with consequential.

Just like some didn't quit because their friend(s) believed in them, others have been talked out of their God-given vision because they shared it with friends that feel "it won't work" or "it's too low a dream to pursue".

Also, it's unwise to think that we wouldn't share in some of the consequences of their poor decisions when they come running to us for help.

Summary:

What love brings together effort sustains.

To experience true friendship is to be willing to give it ourselves.

It's sad that some of us have locked out because we've been left heart broken by betrayal from the ones we opened up to.

This doesn't mean we can no longer experience this.

As we open our hearts to God he brings us wholesome healing which comes with it the gift of discernment, as we begin to attract other pure souls with good intentions.

Master Apprentice

Twitter.com/truekingmaker